You may recall the clock was ticking on a Groupon I bought for Botox, so I declared I was weaning my baby. Her first birthday is coming up and I thought it was time anyway, so I went to work with what I thought would be an easy task. Just start giving her milk and shut down the Tata Tea Factory - right? Easy peasy?
It turns out weaning can be easier said than done. First, there was the problem that I felt more pressured by public opinion to get her weaned rather than my own internal motivation. You're a "bad mom" if you don't nurse a full year and a "weird mom" if you go past that point. As you may have surmised, that is bullshit. The arbitrary age of one year is just the meeting point of two judgey points of view. Secondly, as you may have also guessed, Baby Buh-Stell wasn't having any part of this weaning bit. Seeing that little crying face made me realize I'll just have to face up to an unbotoxed, less glamorous mug. I'm a mom first and a sexpot . . . lets's put that a very far second.
I contacted the business offering the botox, and explained my dilemma. They agreed. Lacatating mothers cannot get Botox. I offered to use the paid-value of my Groupon towards a less invasive service (duck lips? facial?) but they directed me to get a refund through Groupon. The manager's words were, "I'm sorry, we can't offer an alternative service, but other clients in similar positions, be it pregnant, nursing or out of the country, have gotten refunds through Groupon."
So I turned to Groupon whose return policy is this:
If you’d like to return a purchase for any other reason, our Customer Support team will work with you to help make it right. Contact us.
Great! I emailed Groupon and explained my dilemma. Oh, except they declined my request for a return and directed me to a Groupon blog entry (that is NOT linked to the deals when you buy them) that says:
"if [ . . .] people take advantage of us by asking for refunds for things outside of our control or other frivolous reason [sic], not only will we be deeply saddened by our misplaced and naive faith in the fundamental goodness of people, we’ll be forced to switch to a more discriminating return policy."
Oh, apparently Groupon thinks a mutual decision between a medical provider and a mother to not go forth with a procedure that could endanger a nursing infant is "frivolous". Also, they are "saddened" by my deceitful plot to nurse my baby instead of just being a good person and forgetting all about my $160? Oh Groupon. You are such a hip, humble servant of humanity being taken advantage of by spiteful nursing mothers who exploit your return policy by asking for their money back on services they cannot receive.
I wondered if the fact I had originally been double charged for this Groupon had anything to do with their suspicion of me. For some reason the system issued me two of this particular deal - an error I had corrected nearly immediately. Is that enough to get me on a "repeat offender" list? If anything, the fact they charged me twice to begin with ought to make me even more mad. Charge me twice, make me go through the hassle of getting it corrected, then refuse me a refund because nursing my baby is frivolous. Thanks.
I guess Groupon hates nursing mothers just like lots of uninformed people. I thought this was 2012?
UPDATE- Um, boom. Looks like ole Groupon has changed their tune! A manager there saw this blog post and apparently came to some sense. I'm getting my refund and my face shall remain Botox-free. For now. YAY! Groupon is forgiven.
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