Better wean the baby, my Groupon is expiring

Breast feeding a baby is prime territory for judgement. Ask any mom. You get looks if you feed the baby formula, but if you choose to nurse in public you get glares. If you don't nurse the baby long enough, you're somehow lazy for "not sticking it out" but if you nurse too long into toddlerhood, something is wrong with you.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics a mother should keep the boob juice flowing for 12 months. Of course two years is the recommendation according to The World Health Organization, it's three days according to your sister-in-law and you should nurse until kindergarten says the lady down the block who has a five-day recipe for ketchup.

With all this judgement flinging back and forth about how to feed a baby, you should feel like Supermom when you find out why I'm weaning mine - because I have a Groupon for botox that's about to expire. BOTOX. I'm shooting cosmetic poison into my face. See?!! Don't you feel amazing about momming right now?

I could justify it any number of ways (I've already gone longer than I did with Bee, she's eating lots of solid foods anyway, her pediatrician said to give her regular milk, yada) but the truth really comes downs to me wanting to look fabulous.

It could be worse. At least I don't support the introduction of mass circumcision in Africa to supply wrinkle cream made from the foreskins of human babies.

Actually, maybe I don't feel so bad for wanting to inject a little botulinum toxin into my head. At least we're not exploiting third world peens! Buh-Stell and I are totally awesome people.


Filed under: Momenomics


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  • Boob juice? Thought the medical term was "jug juice."

  • In reply to gwill:

    That's moonshine.

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