I was inspired by the Cheaper than Therapy article the other day about parents being the root of a child's popularity. It makes sense. If the parents are encouraging party-throwing and text-message-plan-having then they are contributing to their child's social finesse. But there's got to be something to natural likeability. And is the inverse true about dorkiness? Is being a dork inherited like eye color?
I was a dork. I started going to the movies with boys in 6th grade and I even had a cell phone, which for 1991 might have been cool if it weren't for the fact that it decidedly was not. Hello, Zach Morris. My mom even let me wear lipgloss and she decked me out in Guess jeans starting in second grade but nothing was going to make me cool. Nothing. I was a nerd. And if nerdiness is hereditary then my kids are doomed.
I was so nerdy in elementary school they put me in a special class just for nerds. They sat thick books in front of us and we did learning units on architecture and French. I do have to give credit for the education I got, especially considering this was public school in a red state. Yay Evansville! I digress.
You'd think the special nerd class would be good news. I'd be in my element and free to move about the encyclodiedia. It wasn't. Somehow I managed to be the most hated girl in class. I don't know what it was about me, maybe my avant garde slap bracelets or perhaps my bizarre hair that was several feet long and crimped into oblivion. Maybe it seemed I tried too hard, even though I had no idea what was going on? Whatever the reason, the other kids hated me so much at one point the class had a meeting about me. I waited in the hall and balled my eyes out. I was a pint-sized, real life Carrie. (And not the one with the friends and cool shoes.)
Things got better in middle school and by high school, I used my amazing brain powers to figure out how people operate. I also had awesome boobs and alcohol to drown my sorrows. Today, I hide my inner nerd under Anthropologie sweaters. Wait, that's not hiding, is it? Crap.
I hope my kids have it easier than I did. I suspect they won't because their dad is a nerd too. He also used his mighty brain muscle to navigate a decent life for himself, but we like complicated board games and outdated series dramas. You know that "we must go back to the island" reference? Yeah, we just got that two months ago.
Our loose plan for parenting is to let the kids text and mingle if they want. By that time I'm sure they will have figured out all you have to do is cloak yourself in blonde hair and calm your nerves with nicotine. Perhaps my plan needs work. Shit.
Sorry kids, you're doomed.
Wardrobe credit: The Blue Swirl!
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