Do nerd parents have nerd babies? Great.

I was inspired by the Cheaper than Therapy article the other day about parents being the root of a child's popularity. It makes sense. If the parents are encouraging party-throwing and text-message-plan-having then they are contributing to their child's social finesse. But there's got to be something to natural likeability. And is the inverse true about dorkiness? Is being a dork inherited like eye color?

I was a dork. I started going to the movies with boys in 6th grade and I even had a cell phone, which for 1991 might have been cool if it weren't for the fact that it decidedly was not. Hello, Zach Morris. My mom even let me wear lipgloss and she decked me out in Guess jeans starting in second grade but nothing was going to make me cool. Nothing. I was a nerd. And if nerdiness is hereditary then my kids are doomed.

I was so nerdy in elementary school they put me in a special class just for nerds. They sat thick books in front of us and we did learning units on architecture and French. I do have to give credit for the education I got, especially considering this was public school in a red state. Yay Evansville! I digress.

You'd think the special nerd class would be good news.  I'd be in my element and free to move about the encyclodiedia. It wasn't. Somehow I managed to be the most hated girl in class. I don't know what it was about me, maybe my avant garde slap bracelets or perhaps my bizarre hair that was several feet long and crimped into oblivion. Maybe it seemed I tried too hard, even though I had no idea what was going on? Whatever the reason, the other kids hated me so much at one point the class had a meeting about me. I waited in the hall and balled my eyes out. I was a pint-sized, real life Carrie. (And not the one with the friends and cool shoes.)

Things got better in middle school and by high school, I used my amazing brain powers to figure out how people operate. I also had awesome boobs and alcohol to drown my sorrows. Today, I hide my inner nerd under Anthropologie sweaters. Wait, that's not hiding, is it? Crap.

I hope my kids have it easier than I did. I suspect they won't because their dad is a nerd too. He also used his mighty brain muscle to navigate a decent life for himself, but we like complicated board games and outdated series dramas. You know that "we must go back to the island" reference? Yeah, we just got that two months ago.

Our loose plan for parenting is to let the kids text and mingle if they want. By that time I'm sure they will have figured out all you have to do is cloak yourself in blonde hair and calm your nerves with nicotine. Perhaps my plan needs work. Shit.

Sorry kids, you're doomed.

Wardrobe credit: The Blue Swirl!

Filed under: Uncategorized


Leave a comment
  • Okay but at least you were not in the marching band. I'm just saying that is something that haunts you forever:)

  • In reply to zoomama:

    No, I really am an undercover nerd. You would have never known by just looking at me. It comes from *within*!

  • It radiates off of me like stink on poo- but it is something I have embraced. And isn't nerdy the new sexy, kind of like 30 is the new 20 right? Oh please humor me on this one!

  • In reply to zoomama:

    Oh yeah. Poop is the new black.

  • I credit my metamorphosis from geek to reasonably cool to Sex, Drugs and Rock n Roll.

    Unfortunately, we parents can't really endorse such useful methods.

  • In reply to Andy Frye:

    Right! The real answer for a girl is to be super hot and resist authority, but that's not great advice to give your daughter. Alas, she must learn to fly on her own. Sorry, kid.

  • The real question is whether nerds have any babies? I hark back to Triumph the Insult Comic Dog going to a Star Trek convention, and, on seeing a pregnant woman there, said that that's the last time her child would see female genitalia.

    However, in that it is reported that Steve Jobs had children, maybe it was possible, but Jobs was a very rich nerd. Guess same goes for Bill Gates.

  • In reply to jack:

    Nerd girls have babies all the time because guys don't really care if you're cool or not. Nerd boys have it harder - but you're onto something with the rich ones. And just so you know, I kinda thought Steve Jobs was sexxy. Even if he did wear terrible pants.

  • I was a nerd, but I'm not too bothered by it. Ever noticed what kind of adults the "cool kids" usually turn out to be? Yeah.

    I don't want my kids to end up thinking that material things are the be all and end all, and I don't want my kids to dumb themselves down to fit in. Be yourself, and if other kids don't like it, that's their problem. Of course I will be teaching them social skills and all of that good stuff, but fitting in isn't everything. Sometimes it's better NOT to fit in, especially if the cool crowd is also the "school is for losers" and "let's spend every weekend getting trashed" crowd.

  • Ahh Lindsey, FB has most definitely revealed what happened to the cool kids from high school (insert snicker here) But then it could be my jealous marching band self talking. And Jenna, now I have to Google Steve Jobs pants. Think it's on Wikipedia?

  • In reply to zoomama:

    At your service:


  • Nice! I think the tucked in pseudo turtle neck and white tennis shoes make the outfit. But I tell you, if the shoes had velcro, well that would complete it for sure. And I do mean that in the nicest way possible (we must respect the deceased:)

  • Love this! I also fear that my future children will be total nerds. My husband and I both worked at Medieval Times, had horrible acne and frequented the Renaissance Faire throughout high school. Even though I try to cover it up with fabulous shoes and JCrew sweaters, I radiate nerd.

  • I still radiate nerd and am just as clueless about fashion as I was at 14 so I can't cover it up with Anthroguessjcrewanntaylorologie or whatever the hot moms are wearing. Somehow I ended up with a gorgeous, blonde daughter who is utterly at ease socially. Of course she's still 6 so who knows. She does go to a nerd school, so maybe she's got that going for her.

Leave a comment