How to be married: Don't have other dudes over

Okay, this is going to be half public service announcement and half opinion (aka troll bait). Maybe I'll make it a series. Who knows! Anyway, here's the big news: Married ladies do not host men in their homes without their husbands present. This is a Rule of The Duh, why must I spell this out? Clearly it is not obvious to some people I know and  it's causing some awkward sitches. Let's sketch it out.

I belong to a volunteer group of which I am the only female. My husband works long hours and so occasionally I host meetings with these peeps at my house. No problem. There's like six of them and Niko usually sails in the door at some point in the evening. The problem is when one of these guys wants to come over to discuss biz at other times. During the day. Alone.

This is not okay.

I'm not saying these guys are creeps or have ulterior motives. They are happily married dads whom I'm sure are going to be very insulted to read this. But the fact remains that I just don't entertain guys by myself. It's an agreement of my marriage. We don't do lunches or dinners, or in my case with the stay-at-home-dad crowd, play dates one-on-one with the opposite sex. Old fashioned? Fine. I always did like pretty aprons.

I find myself having to dodge and dodge when I really just want to scream no you cannot come over here unless my husband is home! Did Niko drag me by my hair back to his cave? Did my husband even suggest not having guys over while he's working? No. He doesn't have to. I just know if it were me who worked 70 hours a week to put veggie bacon on the table and he stayed home having play dates one lady at a time, some serious heads would roll. Right? I don't care if I'm crazy. I'd rather be crazy/lonely/bored than divorced.

It's assumed since I am a liberal lady in a progressive neighborhood that I'm somehow one of the guys - that no one should blink an eye at dudes just parking it in my house to shoot the breeze all day. But sorry. Boring neighbor dad today, slightly interesting UPS man tomorrow, super hott bike messenger next week. It's a slippery slope folks! No one sets out to cheat on their spouse. Just decide from the beginning that you will never spend time alone with a man you're not married to and you'll never have that problem.

Just call me Dr. Phillis!


Filed under: Unpopular Opinions

Tags: marriage


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  • Good stuff Jenna:) No troll response here! Minus the fact I am posting this after I just woke up and my hair is sticking up and I went to bed with makeup on so maybe I look a bit trollish. But I do believe what you are saying to be very true and a good rule of thumb:)

  • In reply to zoomama:

    The beauty of the internet! I have on my glasses and mom-uniform standard issue yoga pants, but don't I look so alive and stylish in my profile picture? LIES.

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    Two comments: 1) Rev. Billy Graham always said he never met one-on-one with a woman at home, church, or office, without a chaperone. Usually his wife. Excellent old fashioned advice. Not necessarily because old Bill might be tempted, but some crazy woman could make a move/accuse him of being handsy. 2) myself, looking around the nabe - well, the pickings are mighty slim! Desperate Housewives territory this is not! Even so, I would never let a man into my house when I was alone. Who knows what kind of 'pizza guy here to deliver!' fantasy some guy could be gestating, and a rapist looks for opportunity, not hot housewives. A friend of a friend was raped by a male neighbor, out of the clear blue sky, she was so traumatized I can't begin to tell you. And it was her word against his, as she only told about it months later.

  • I wish I could get my husband to chaperone everything I did. That would be so fun! And that's where Billy Graham and I end the similarities on our world view I'm sure.

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    Really? I don't need no stinkin' chaperone, lol! I have a habit of taking off for the day on a Saturday or Sunday (shopping, walking, visiting, library) - my husband's young newly married friend said, where does she go? Do you ever, you know, follow her? Husband said, I don't know, I don't care. Long as I don't have to go with her, she could have a secret job in a strip club far as I'm concerned, LOL!

  • Niko, nice work bro!

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