Baby name rage

Don't even talk to me right now. I'm in a rage. This calls for espresso.

The boy name I have had picked out through two girl pregnancies is popping up on all these stupid baby name websites. I only know this because a homie of mine is due any second and always forwards me the articles as they pop up.

Apparently the new trend is animal names (ya don't say!) and the one that happens to be my 82-year-old papaw's nickname is the climbing the ranks. With no son of my own and no pregnancy on the horizon - I like being skinny and drinking wine, thanks - do I even have a right to be in a stew about this? BUT I AM!

Calling dibbs on a baby name defies all logic. It's a word. There are millions of them. You choose a word to affix to your offspring and if you're not even pregnant (and might not ever be!) why does the issue of baby name stealing and the hatred of seeing your baby name rise in popularity cause blood to curdle? It does mine! I fell in love with Isabel in 1994 when I first heard Bjork. Why is my daughter named Bianca? Because by 2008 Isabella was in the top two on the social security baby name list.

Getting pregnant, then having a 50% chance of having a boy just to name it is a really stupid idea - and yet it crosses my mind. Like I need another pooping, eating, college-tuition-needing child just because I want to claim a word? Talk me down people.

Possible solutions to cure baby name rage:

-Get a pet to name (I know two people with cats named Stella)

- Call dibbs on the baby name far and wide, cultivating a fame for myself

- Write a book so I can name a character after my imaginary baby (hm, seems to require as much work as a real baby, yet it might actually make money!)

- Start a business and name it my chosen baby name (more work!)

- Get a tattoo of the name. That's like calling dibbs, right?

- Coach a female relative to have a baby and let me name it

Maybe the solution is to just be happy other people like the name. When I was pregnant with the girls and I told people our boy name, they gasped and sneered. My sister-in-law said, "please think of the baby's future".

But now since my baby name is trending, maybe the way is being paved for my future son? Ding! Ding! Ding! This solution requires no work and no weight gain. Ah. I love being lazy.


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  • Oh, I am so with you. When I was pregnant with my son (we didn't know what we were having), I started hearing the name we had picked out for him popping up among my circle of friends. I was the next one due, but I had this sense of, "Hurry up and pop out of here before someone takes your name, child!"

    And then with my second one, a D-list actress totally stole my girl's name and it freaked me out. But then the baby was born, I gave her the name anyway, and no one has ever asked me if I stole the baby's name from that drug addict from the '90s sitcom.

  • In reply to Magistra:

    That's funny about the sitcom stealing because apparently there is a character named Bianca on one of the soaps. I can't remember now, but I was asked many times if I had stolen it from a show. Um, does no one read Shakespeare?

  • After having two boys, I was anxious to know the sex of our third. We found out nine weeks in. Bingo! It's a girl (born in '90)! When I asked my husband what we should name her, he immediately said, "Bianca." I immediately said, "You've been watching All My Children." Erica Kane's daughter was named Bianca. He didn't get the name from the soap or Shakespeare (I can't remember which play Bianca is in). He's full-blooded Italian and the name means "pure white."

  • In reply to siblingless:

    My Bianca was born during a blizzard! White indeed.

  • That's hilarious!

  • Shakes-who-speare?

  • Ooohhh...I'm dying to know your name! But then if you tell me I know you'll have to kill me ;) I have 3 girls but I never used one of my favourite girl names. I often think of having one more just to use that name. It goes so well with the other 3 names....oh wait, 4 kids would be INSANE.

  • In reply to stelisa:

    I completely understand! I think the only two reasons I want a son are to use my cool name and get my in-laws off my back about producing an heir to this rich 10-letter last name we got going.

    Well. I also really like tiny boys in nerd suspenders.

  • I understand completely!


    Zebra Pappington III

  • Hey, people name their kids after liquor, stores and cars. Why not beautiful strong animals?

    I sold a car once to a girl name Tekela. She got so mad when I asked if it was spelled Tequila. She's like, "that's a drink. Not a name". Um. Right.

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