The Disney machine is going to get you. Yes, you.

Hello, you*, in your post-feminist six-seater automobile, taking "time-off" from some kind of career to professionally churn out the next generation of achievers. You, the mother of little alpha females whom you are encouraging to pursue post-graduate degrees and vote left. You. Disney will get you too!

Oh, you're a modern lady who thinks 16-year-olds giving their voices away for random guys who already owe them favors is on the wrong side of wrong? You think Ursula the Sea Witch is actually the one who kind of has it together? You're the type of mom who secretly thinks Disney character clothing is trashy and you prefer your little darlings to dress like this:


Well those are Swedish models.

Your future Hilary Clintons are American girls who drive you crazy on rainy days, so you innocently pop in the Lion King DVD someone gave you as a gift. I mean, there's no harm in that, right? Hakuna Matada! Well guess what? You're in. Disney is about to take over your life.

First, the previews. Sure The Lion King is 15 years old, but emotional pulls from Tinkerbell inviting us all to a giant princess castle in Florida are timeless! It took your child three months last summer to learn the alphabet and she still can't spell her name, but the ins and outs of princesshood and the hierarchy of King/Prince/Evil Queen is absorbed through osmosis. She wants that Disney princess castle. She wants WINGS! She wants rhinestone-encrusted tiaras and a vanilla prince in vague military dress to rescue her.

And it's not like this is the first time your kids have expressed desire to be princesses. Nope, that sprouts up on its own like molars. Wanting to be a Disney princess is encoded in the DNA of every toddler girl. It's not your fault! Blame nature!

And besides, is Disney so terrible? My rocket scientist friend (no really, she worked for NASA and has a PhD in something unpronouncable) has been to Disneyland like four times with her kids. She says they have booze! She said it's a dream vacation whether your babies like Disney or not - something about lots of changing tables and other parents not minding if your kids scream because their kids are screaming too. There's a damn fine point right there. It's why we don't even go to movies. But a vacation with other adults where kid-screaming is not going to get you booted? I think I'm in.

Of course I'm in. I'm already convincing the hubs to pack us up for Disneyland. SIGH. I'll just put a bird on my Mickey ears.


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  • I stumbled upon your blog and it is very entertaining. I have the same 'knee-baby' thing (that is southern for having a toddler and then having a new baby; the toddler becomes a knee-baby.) My oldest is starting kindergarten, though. Boo hoo. Enjoy the baby days~!!

  • In reply to lazydaze:

    Thanks! It's good to hear you are not a member of my hate club!

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