My home town is an odd bird. Driving through Evansville, you'll see billboards with cherubic babies in clobbering anti-abortion ads and yet just under the surface exists a flourishing gay scene. You won't see many non-white faces between the covers of Evansville Living Magazine and yet. AND YET! You will find a perfectly mixed and mingled population if you bother to look around. Evansville is conservative, yet produced a liberal person like me. Also, it's face-melting hot in summer.
The last time I hung out in my home town, nay for exactly two drinks around the corner from my parents' one Christmas, was, like, a decade ago. When I visit, I just don't hit the scene. I get in, pass my babies around the family and get out. Why hang around the chain stores? We have those and more in Chicago. But I rediscovered some of my ole home town this weekend because I was feeling nostalgic. Let's list some plusses of E-ville, shall we?
1. Ski. It's a lemon lime beverage and one of Evansville's claims to fame. I was too cool to drink it when I lived there, but I tried it again Sunday and it's fab! Plus, read the ingredients. Diet Ski is basically lemon juice, orange juice, water and Splenda. No phenylalanine. Hear that, Mr. Rapp at Harrison High School? NO PHENYLALANINE! And you thought my C- was just a gift but I was really paying attention. Who knew? Phenylalanine is the stuff of lab rat nightmares and it's in most other major diet drinks, which is why I usually just drink water. Boring. So yay Ski!
Unfortunately, Ski and Diet Ski are not available outside the Evansville region. My hubs is hooked and going crazy figuring out how to "import" it.
2. Mesker Park Zoo. It's about Lincoln Park Zooish in size and scope, but with way cheaper food and more trees. They have improved the place a lot since my school field trip days thanks to the West Side Nut Club and other donors - like apparently a jilted bride. Someone must have donated wedding picture frames because I noticed the dead bug exhibit oddly had beetle cadavers encased in kitchy bridal frames. One had a little cartoonish limo and a tuxedo and another frame said, "Bride!" Seriously, are they too poor to get normal dead bug display frames? Oh, Evansville.
3. Grippos. The caviar of junk food. These potato chips are curiously crunchy - like if steel were edible and tasted like potatoes engulfed in flames. But delicious!
4. Schnuck's. Okay, technically this is a St. Louis thing, but Schnuck's is in Evansville, it ain't here and I luvs it! Delicious cakes, nice people. It makes my hoodie Jewel-Osco look like a mean old grinch bakery that charges double.
5. My friend Chrissy's house. WOW. Her yard. It's like a sea of inch-tall grass that goes on and on over counties and countries. They could host the Superbowl. Like the real game. She said they have to buy a $6,000 lawn mower and it takes THREE HOURS to cut. Hey, I'm lucky I even have a yard in this great City of Chicago but I'll tell you right now, five minutes with a pair of scissors and that bitch is manicured for prom.
Okay, this is an abbreviated list. Obviously. Hey, you can't expect me to be some kind of southern Indiana Ask Jeeves. But what you can expect from me from now on is that I will never leave the house again without Spanx and a full face of drag make-up. This is because a commenter I've never met recognized and spotted me from this blog. A) I felt kind of famous but B) Spanx are really uncomfortable.
See ya at Christmas, Evansville.
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