Evansville, you ain't too shabby!

My home town is an odd bird. Driving through Evansville, you'll see billboards with cherubic babies in clobbering anti-abortion ads and yet just under the surface exists a flourishing gay scene. You won't see many non-white faces between the covers of Evansville Living Magazine and yet. AND YET! You will find a perfectly mixed and mingled population if you bother to look around. Evansville is conservative, yet produced a liberal person like me. Also, it's face-melting hot in summer.

The last time I hung out in my home town, nay for exactly two drinks around the corner from my parents' one Christmas, was, like, a decade ago. When I visit, I just don't hit the scene. I get in, pass my babies around the family and get out. Why hang around the chain stores? We have those and more in Chicago. But I rediscovered some of my ole home town this weekend because I was feeling nostalgic. Let's list some plusses of E-ville, shall we?

1. Ski. It's a lemon lime beverage and one of Evansville's claims to fame. I was too cool to drink it when I lived there, but I tried it again Sunday and it's fab! Plus, read the ingredients. Diet Ski is basically lemon juice, orange juice, water and Splenda. No phenylalanine. Hear that, Mr. Rapp at Harrison High School? NO PHENYLALANINE! And you thought my C- was just a gift but I was really paying attention. Who knew? Phenylalanine is the stuff of lab rat nightmares and it's in most other major diet drinks, which is why I usually just drink water. Boring. So yay Ski!

Unfortunately, Ski and Diet Ski are not available outside the Evansville region. My hubs is hooked and going crazy figuring out how to "import" it.

2. Mesker Park Zoo. It's about Lincoln Park Zooish in size and scope, but with way cheaper food and more trees. They have improved the place a lot since my school field trip days thanks to the West Side Nut Club and other donors - like apparently a jilted bride. Someone must have donated wedding picture frames because I noticed the dead bug exhibit oddly had beetle cadavers encased in kitchy bridal frames. One had a little cartoonish limo and a tuxedo and another frame said, "Bride!" Seriously, are they too poor to get normal dead bug display frames? Oh, Evansville.

3. Grippos. The caviar of junk food. These potato chips are curiously crunchy - like if steel were edible and tasted like potatoes engulfed in flames. But delicious!

4. Schnuck's. Okay, technically this is a St. Louis thing, but Schnuck's is in Evansville, it ain't here and I luvs it! Delicious cakes, nice people. It makes my hoodie Jewel-Osco look like a mean old grinch bakery that charges double.

5. My friend Chrissy's house. WOW. Her yard. It's like a sea of inch-tall grass that goes on and on over counties and countries. They could host the Superbowl. Like the real game. She said they have  to buy a $6,000 lawn mower and it takes THREE HOURS to cut. Hey, I'm lucky I even have a yard in this great City of Chicago but I'll tell you right now, five minutes with a pair of scissors and that bitch is manicured for prom.

Okay, this is an abbreviated list. Obviously. Hey, you can't expect me to be some kind of southern Indiana Ask Jeeves. But what you can expect from me from now on is that I will never leave the house again without Spanx and a full face of drag make-up. This is because a commenter I've never met recognized and spotted me from this blog. A) I felt kind of famous but B) Spanx are really uncomfortable.

See ya at Christmas, Evansville.


Filed under: Uncategorized


Leave a comment
  • fb_avatar

    You know, I have been feeling "holier-than-thou" about Ski. Heck, if it's made here in E-ville, can it really taste great? Maybe I'll give it a try...
    I also second your Schnucks shout-out. My husband and I actually go there for date nights...you'd think it would be a cheap night, but we love food too much. The workers are so friendly and I've already decided that once I retire from teaching, I'll work there! ;)
    As for Grippos, oh man, I remembered when I was pregnant, I loved those things. Of course, the only time I've ever had heartburn was during pregnancy, so those Grippos killed me. Plus, with all the trans fat, I probably did take years off of my life.
    Sorry for the unnecessarily long comment, I just felt pumped about the local shout-outs!

  • In reply to Adrienne Notess:

    1. Ah, yes on the Ski snobbery. No offense to Ski drinkers everywhere, but it's a little ... how you say in English . . . WT! So sad, so true. But if you give the stuff a chance and wipe the images of sunburned rednecks guzzling it in beer cozies at Thunder, it's really a tasty beverage.

    2. Grippos might kill a man. If I had exactly two days to live, I'd streak through Viagra triangle (again) and stuff my face with Grippos BBQ chips.

    3. Yes on Schnucks for date night. I can see that. It's like if Dominick's had a local vibe. Or if Whole Foods got over itself.

    So I must know . . . what search brought you here? Something tells me it wasn't "uncut boys" which is the most popular Google term sending people to this blog. I have a feeling there are several thousand very disappointed pedaphiles out there.

  • fb_avatar

    Haha! Actually, I never had to search for your blog. Here's the odd list of coincidences:
    I was pregnant with my first son (Asher) and due in Dec. 08. Having no idea of mom things, I got on the Dec 08 message board on iVillage. I didn't post much, but I remember that your posts were funny, and you had a blog link. So I checked it out. I read it regularly for a bit, then I actually gave birth and didn't have a ton of time, so (no offense), I quit reading blogs. Then, I got pregnant with my second son (Silas) and was due Feb 11. Again, I hopped back on the message boards and was surprised to find that you were on there too. I don't think I ever posted on that one, though. So I started reading your blog again. Then, I think you might have posted about growing up down here, and I thought that was so weird and coincidental. I grew up in Tell City, then got out of the area for college (Ball State), met my husband there and, after a year in Petersburg (blech), moved to Newburgh. Wow...long history lesson. Anyhow, crazy coincidental, right?

  • Woah, what's even crazier is my cousins live in Tell City! Do you know the Sweats?? They're not so keen on me, but we BLOOD.

  • fb_avatar

    SCARY! My great grandma was a Sweat! They told me I'm not supposed to be talking to you...kidding! Whoa, that is weird though. She died quite a while ago...I know some other Sweats but I'm not "really" related to them. Small world 4 shore;)

  • Ahhh!! How many Sweats can there be in that area? We're totally sistas. My great-grandma Sweat's name was Delphina. I guess they called her Della.

    SIDE STORY: If I would have known that little tidbit about three months sooner, Stella might have been Della because that is such a cute name! Please have another baby and steal it.

  • fb_avatar

    Mine was Gladys. Kinda weird, but I like the old-schoolness of it. I like Della...but please don't wish for me to have a baby girl! That is one of my biggest fears...however, with a boy going through this terrible two stuff, it might not be that bad. I just know what a beast of a daughter I was for my mom, and hello, retribution! Eek!

  • ^^^ This is a pretty cool exchange in the comments.

    Hopefully, if I ever meet a commenter or blogger from ChicagoNow in public, it will be as cordial and as cool as this. Unfortunately, I have this feeling that some may want to put me in a head-lock.

Leave a comment