Osama Bin Laden's final moments were thus: In the middle of the night our guys break in his house, he uses a woman as a human shield against them (gentlemanly!) and then his world goes dark. Barely painful.
Geez, why didn't they just give him a few extra dozes of Ambien and brush his hair? Maybe sing him lullabyes while he drifts off for good during late-night TV? Sorry, but justice for the attacks on 9/11 look more like, say, sending him to American prison on a day they decide to hand out steak knives at lunch. I like my justice served hot!
The truth is killing him doesn't undo his crimes. It doesn't bring back the people he's killed. The only "justice" that could have been accomplished would have been his capture and torture. I'm not really a killin'n'torturin' type myself, which is why throwing him to the dogs has an appeal. They could have released him at a monster truck rally on veterans' night or dropped him off in Humbolt Park at 3:00 AM in a stalled BMW. Get creative, people! Get him a ticket to the Kid Rock concert and put him in the mosh pit. (Have you ever been to a Kid Rock concert? Not much brown skin around but lots of guys with pocket knives.)
Quick side story! I knew a kid named Moshner who swore to me in 1998 that they named the mosh pit after him. HAHAHA.
All I'm saying is Bin Laden's dead body does nothing for me. Congrats to the President and the team that found him, I just wish we could have had a word with him before he went. Perhaps that word could have been live-streamed from an all-female detention center with him dressed like a Bratz doll. What? Like that wouldn't scare you shitless.
Jenna Karvunidis (KAR-vuh-NEED-us)
is a feminist mom of a whole brood of lady babies. Also, she hates water pollution. Like, really hates it.