While you're busy acting like an emo teenager sulking in the car during a family party (or sleeping) I will be drinking the royal kool-aid tomorrow at 4:00 AM for the wedding of Wills & Kate! Hey. It's a party and I can't waity. Even if that party will just consist of me and my home girl drinking mimosas in our jams with pretend veils on while watching T.V.
Damn. Why did I pay all that money to have my real wedding veil sealed away in some stupid box? The 2007 me didn't see 2011 me needing the perfect accessory to nosh crumpets and watch this royal pomp go down. What was I THINKING?? Ugh. And what would I give to wear that giant dress again tomorrow morning in my living room? Bollocks! A white pillow case and a bathrobe will have to do.
Some say these two are a boring clump of clotted boring. Sure, she's probably had the same hair since 6th grade, but who cares? It's a wedding! Paid for by a big, rich government with a lady boss (whom I saw in the flesh once, if only for a second eleven years ago)! I don't care if they're boring. Carriages! Horses! You put enough chocolate on a turd and it's dessert, people. I don't care.
In my zest for everything royal, I have come across some odd Wills & Kate tributes. I have a hunch my pal and I won't be the only ones holding our eyelids open with royal toothpicks. There are some nerds out there with mad crochet skills. Observe.
Jenna Karvunidis (KAR-vuh-NEED-us)
is a feminist mom of a whole brood of lady babies. Also, she hates water pollution. Like, really hates it.