Royal cattiness - stuff your bra, Lady Kate!
Get some chicken cutlets into that bra, Dutchess Catherine! Like duh! I don't know who told this girl cone boobs were in, but they were foul people indeed. I supposed since the horses were wearing Lady Gaga's ponytail on their arses, it was only fitting that they take the Madonna inspiration theme all the way. Sure, she couldn't be Guy Ritchie's date anymore, but that sneaky Madonna still found a way to get herself in the royal wedding. SMART.
Other items on Kate's person that are now my business: the thick-seeming waist (should have been a lower cut or at least a V to make a tiny person seem tiny) and boringish train. This stale crumpet needed a good kick in the pants from the girls at Big Fat Gypsy Wedding
. It just ain't a solemn shindig unless your flower girls are rolling in a 6-foot ball of light-up tulle. Class and sophistication, you do miss the mark Dutchess Catherine. Joking.
On to Wills. Smile, my boy! He used up all his iron will trying to stuff his happiness into a glum frown. I suppose his grandmammy said no cracking smiles during prayer. If he was trying to kill his smile with dark thoughts, all he had to do was think of those nasty beans they have to eat for breakfast. Sad in a can, right there.
Confidential to Prince Harry: You would make an excellent boy toy to the bored housewives of Chicago. Specifically those near Ashland and Brwn Mawr who totally have Chelsey Davy hair and plenty of ale waiting in the fridge. Tally ho!