Hi, I'm the GOP! I love fetuses!

Hey homies! I'm your Republicans in congress today! I looove me some unwanted fetuses. (Feti? LOL!) Anyway. I'm totally willing to let families go without paychecks, which will mean they can't feed their children in the next few weeks, because I can't settle my ass about the budget.

Sure, hospitals will be shut down and we'll live in anarchy until this gets settled, but whatevvs dude. I refuse to let Planned Parenthood have part of the funding so they can carry with medical business that is private between a patient and her doctor. I deserve to poke my head in those closed doors and decide for my ole self what's good fer ladies. And I say cut their funding! Sure we have the cash, but my high and mighty moralistic ideals are more important than Americans putting food on their tables. I just care about unwanted fetuses being aborted at Planned Parenthood which is, like, the most minor point in this whole budget matter.
I'm sort of biting myself in my own ass, though, because usually the military set is on my side. Hm, we'll see how long that lasts when I put a big ole whammy between them and their paychecks. I expect the military to risk their lives and die for my wars (and forgo their paychecks, like now) but if they were, say . . . adorable, healthy, fully gestated-looking, white fetuses with blue eyes like on all the pro-life propaganda billboards, I'd  . . . well, I'd shut down the government for them. Which I'm doing. No worries on the born children in the houses with withheld paychecks who won't drink milk next week.
(Oh, but when those unwanted fetuses are born, you'll have to find some other way to educate them and pay for their healthcare. I'm not so into that!)
Gotta run, I'm in a meeting. Later gators!
PS - Woot. My peeps have spun this around bee-yoo-tifully.
Just kidding. It was me the whole time. Here are my girls, for whom I'd step in front of a bus - American females who deserve to make their own decisions about their bodies (eventually) and have access to the services at Planned Parenthood. Kiss!
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  • Legal, Safe and Rare

    A fourteen-trillion deficit
    Is nothing at to sneer,
    But in these times of hope and change
    We think we

  • *APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE*

    Word. All of it!

  • Oh, particularly THIS PART:

    "(Oh, but when those unwanted fetuses are born, you'll have to find some other way to educate them and pay for their healthcare. I'm not so into that!)"

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