It took all of 20 minutes to get me here, but it's taken 37 weeks (and counting) to get this baby out. What can we do to evict my child? Sure, I could be patient and wait until 41 weeks like last time, but let's try our luck with remedies at these Chicago spots to send me into labor.
1. Spicy food. I mean SPICY. We have a sitter lined up and an adventurous couple to entertain Friday, so we're revisiting one of my favorite hot spots, Hema's Kitchen on Devon. I've already decided on the Vindaloo. That's Tollywood talk for "damn, that's hot". If that doesn't work, I'll throw myself into the inhumane cauldron known as Lalibela where the food is so spicy, I think you could die. No wonder it's always empty . . . except for me when I want to go into labor.
2. Acupuncture. I was a little afraid of this before, but my pal Lauren had it done and went into labor 12 hours later. She said the needles were so thin and harmless they made the hospital IV look like a garden hose. Point taken! I made an appointment at Thrive for three days before my due date. I hear Shelby is the princess of pins.
3. Labor cookies. If I still need culinary pep in my life, there's always the Cookie Bar in Lincoln Park. What do they have that's so special? Oh, just jalapeno chocolate chip cookies that are just sure to send a lady into laborland. And if it doesn't work, well, then you're not eating enough cookies my friend. Maybe the sugar cookie with cayenne pepper will do it?
4. Walking. But where is there to walk in the subzero Chicago winter? A place where your water could break and you won't ruin anyone's carpet? Where you won't be embarrassed to waddle around with a melon under your shirt because everyone there is a tourist who is busy looking at their maps anyway? WATER TOWER! Double points for being near Prentice Womens' Center. All I have to do is pack my bags and take a few retail laps. Right? We'll see.
5. Laughing. The abdominal muscles used for laughter are very closely connected with uterine muscles. Since we're trying to snap these into action, I'm going to hit up a live comedy club. Comedy is still so much better in person (even if my two-drink-minimum is fulfilled with soda cranberries). Sure, I could rent Hot Tub Time Machine at home, but I think I have a better chance of catching a case of contractions at Zanies.
Anyone have any more idearrrs? Test drive a sports car over some pot holes at FJ Chicago? Attend an Oprah taping and see if she surprises me with a half-sister?
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