I'm busting a cap in my friend Chelsea. She's the sweetest little doll you'll ever meet, but we're involved in a bread war (our sanity vs. the temptation to succumb to pure hippidom) and at the moment she has us pegged. With one victorious stroke of her keyboard she has immobilized us. Women down.
Remember all this bread talk we've been doing? First we learn that white bread is no good. No. It must be whole wheat. Then it had to be organic. Then it had to be home made. Then we found out it is no good unless the grains are soaked. Whew, with that information my last loaf of bread came to 18 hours in the making. But wait! There's more! NOW I HAVE TO GRIND THE GRAINS MYSELF. It turns out that wheat starts to oxidize as soon as the berry is ground into flour. This oxidation ruins the nutrients in the wheat flour, making it less and less usable by the human body. Thanks, Chelsea, for that nugget.
So the way to perfect bread is to grind the grain in a mill, then soak it overnight in acid, then do all the other seemingly numerous steps to making in the bread in the first place. Ahhhh! I have to say, I'm throwing in the towel on that one. White flag, waving high.
I agree McDonald's sugar sandwiches are crap. Smoking kills. Terrorism is bad. But dude, I can't spend my entire day making a loaf of bread. This reminds me of a scene on The Simpson's when Homer is in the depths of hell spending all eternity pushing a giant turn style that leads up through the earth's crust to a donut carousel in a diner. What does all this work yield? It's still just a loaf of bread!
I already went to Crazy Town about water back in January. My new year's resolution was to drink better water, so I found the best filter system and rigged it up to a glass pitcher as to avoid BPAs. I even have a nerdy little digital monitor to make sure no impurities get in my glass or cooking. This, from a girl who puts bleach on her scalp and lives in the dirtiest city in America.
Great water and 82-step bread is still just a high-end prison menu. I know myself though, and ten bucks says I buy a grain mill.
Damn you, Chelsea.
Eventually I will dread my hair and stop shaving* unless I find a recipe to make my own razors.
*No I won't
UPDATE! UPDATE! There is a 3-day step you can add in front of the grain grinding called "sprouting" which guarantees ultimate superior uber-nutrition and casts lesser breads to the ranks of poison. Poison! So get to sprouting folks. (Then drying, then grinding, then soaking, then mixing, then kneading, then rising, then punching, then rising, then punching, then 3rd-rising, then baking. I'll be sitting on the porch with a cocktail and a Twinkie**.
**No I won't
Filed under: Hippies