CODE RED: Conflict in the gym childcare center

You never want to have conflict with the people who care for your children. That’s, like, the second line in the pledge behind “won’t kill it” when you take on parenting. Yet, conflict will arise. Like today. There was a bit of a previous dust-up at my gym childcare center a few weeks ago when... Read more »

All the best mom things I got this summer

If you have a daughter between the ages of 2 and 12, odds are you're doing a Frozen Halloween costume. There are no other costumes. There is no other matter in the universe. Our molecules are no longer carbon-based. Accept the Frozen. I imagine Halloween night will get very confusing as I take home the wrong children. The next morning I'll have people insisting their names are Piper and Regan and to take them one street over and my kids will sheepishly march home from some other lady's house. Anyway. Do it right with spray-on white hair color. I went through a whole bottle on Ren Faire day, pictured above. Practice, practice. <a href="" >$7, Amazon.<a>
It’s that special season when I can’t form a coherent thought. Camp is over. School has not yet pulled my older two kids into the vortex of learning and running laps around the gym to burn off their glycemia. The baby is doing a bizarrely fast walk/crawl toward anything that a) plugs into the wall... Read more »

Raising Powder: Living in fear of the sun

I have to sign my oldest child up for camps that happen indoors. It’s always been this way. I dress her like a beekeeper, I slather SPF 100 (not an exaggeration) onto her pearl skin in 45-minute intervals. I apply it and reapply it and instruct caregivers that it’s not a normal sunburn she gets.... Read more »

There is nothing "inappropriate" about a doll with a penis

The latest to roll out of the Fox News controversy machine is about an anatomically correct boy doll sold by Toys’R'Us. Yes, the doll has a tiny penis that squirts water into its toy diaper. Apparently some parents are up in arms that a penis-having doll is “inappropriate”. I had a doll like this when... Read more »

Why I won't say "f*ck cancer" anymore

After a two-day vigil, six weeks of hospice care and six years of lows and victories managing cancer, my mother-in-law died. She didn’t lose. No tangible enemy bested her. She died. Later, a family member sobbed, “how could this great woman be taken down like this?” I thought for the 83rd time that week, as... Read more »

The great, unstoppable Maria Karvunidis is gone

Sadly, I have the honor of writing the obituary for my mother-in-law, the legendary Maria Karvunidis. I missed her from the moment she took her last breath in our arms. The following will appear in the Chicago Tribune this Sunday and next week in The Evanston Review. — Maria Lieselotte Karvunidis, 68, of Lake Geneva,... Read more »

Stop with the ugly feminist trope! Feminists are HOT! [PICS]

Alicia Justice - professional, mother, wife and hot feminist.
Girls want to be pretty. Said it! I know, there are some fierce ones who would rather dress up as Spiderman and that’s awesome, but I’m talking about the majority of girls who seem to be organically drawn to things covered in pink sparkles. I’m raising three girls who are, well, girly. They want to... Read more »

Donut shop bans fat-shaming toddler for asking lady if she's pregnant

“Is there a baby in your belly?” Nope, just donuts! Apparently at a donut shop named Doughnut Inn (Does one sleep there? Are there donut – excuse me- doughnut pillows? Does Homer Simpson turn down guests’ sheets with his glazed fingertips?) in Monroe, CT, a 4-year-old boy was banned after asking a customer if she... Read more »

Stop saying, "Your English is great!"

Last night around 7:00, every restaurant in Wrigleyville had a 90-minute wait because the neighborhood was all hit at once with Billy Joel concert revelers. I guess old white people music (hi!) and Persian food don’t go hand in hand because for whatever reason, Raw Bar got us a table in ten minutes. We had... Read more »

Cynical 10-year-old writes hilarious 1-star review of Disney's Cinderella restaurant

Who knew the hottest restaurant in America was in the middle of Florida? Cinderella’s Royal Table at Disney World is booked solid, from 6:00 AM until the park closes, six months in advance and reservations are only available to guests paying hundreds of dollars a day for park entrance. It’s the thing to do, I’m... Read more »