Greetings to all our beloved friends (Far to numerous to count!) and family (Struggling to hide their bitterness over what is to come.)
It's time for our annual holiday letter, which will allow us to rub your face in all we have accomplished, once again, highlighting how pathetic your lives are!
Oh, and with pictures, because we know how you love seeing us eat escargot at the Eiffel Tower.
First, we begin with ourselves.
It goes without saying (yet, I will say it) that my career continues to blossom with my role at my company (which is well known, and an excellent place to work (unlike you)) continues to grow exponentially. The CEO praises my accomplishments daily, and it seems that they simply cannot throw enough money at me (which, of course, we don't even need! LOL!)
My wife, is highly sought after by every modeling agency on the planet, because her beauty is unmatched since Helen of Troy. However, she ever so gracefully must turn them down, because she is far too busy running multiple charitable events, and cooking Michelin Three Star level meals for me every day.
However, fear not! We never gain weight because of our military style exercise regimen at a gym where all the equipment is clean and functioning.
Our children once again demonstrate far too many stellar attributes to mention here (However, an addendum will be forthcoming shortly!)
Just a few highlights, our daughter, wife, mother, lawyer and all round success continues to outshine everyone else in those categories, by demonstrating the ability to multi-task without ever a hiccup. Of course, it helps that her children are angelic! (More on them later!)
My son, who is the most highly sought after bachelor, now that Prince Harry is married, continues his career arc towards Steve Jobs like status, all while dating women who would make super models look pathetic. However, they don't actually have time to model, as they pursue their PhDs in nuclear physics.
Finally, my grandchildren, at 3.5 and 1.5 years of age, have conclusively proven themselves to have heretofore unparalleled levels of genius and skill sets that have brought some of the greatest minds in the world to them for advice.
Besides mastering multiple languages, musical instruments and completing their first novels (So cute!), they enjoy playing with their toys and spending time with Grandma and Grandpa!
Sort of like your grandkids (If you even have any! LOL!), but way better.
Finally, let me finish our little letter with pictures that we know you'll enjoy!
From the left:
My wife waving from the top of Mt. Everest. (Climbed it in record time without oxygen!)
Myself, greeting multiple international dignitaries at the Nobel Prize ceremonies. (Did I not mention that? Silly me, crazy year!)
My kids and grandkids on various trips around the globe, from the African Veldt to the Ganges River to the Australian Outback, doing activities most of you did not know existed.
Well, that's all for this year! Looking forward to a relaxing year filled with only a few epic achievements!
(Ha Ha, as if that could happen!!!!)
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Filed under: Health Care