Physician Heal Thyself, Or, How I Defeated the Cold from Hell

My dearest readers, I return to you from beyond the grave.

I have been deeper into the “Further” than ever before.

I have battled a plague that makes the Black Death seem mild, in comparison.

In short, I have had the dreaded “Man Flu”.

I’ll give those readers with weaker constitutions a moment to recover whilst I tell my Tale of Woe.

It began on New Year’s Eve.

I awoke about 2 AM 12/31 with my nasal and sinus passages on fire. I was sneezing, blowing my nose and tearing non-stop.

My teeth ached.

It was not the traditional flu, because I had no fever.

And I had gotten a flu shot.

I drank tea all day, and then, brave soul that I am, I went forth to a New Year’s Eve party, lest my lovely spouse be denied a few moments of joy.

I dragged myself till midnight, with not a drop of booze, no less, then went to bed.

It took about a week to recover, but I did, and had even returned to my exercise routine.

And, then, on 1/12, at about 2 AM, it struck again.

The same damn cold.

Although it did seem a touch milder this time around.

Now, here I am 5 days later, getting close to feeling normal, only 2 Motrin in the last 24 hours or so.

But this time I’m giving myself a little more time to recover before I go back to my strenuous Olympian exercise regimen.

But, today’s post is not just to engender pity (although, any and all is most welcome), but rather to bestow upon all of you the knowledge of how I defeated this vile beast.

Surely, you must think, as a renowned physician with ties to Big Pharma, I had access to all the rarest cures, which have been carefully hidden away from the populace, lest the entire Medical Industrial Complex collapses.

Perhaps an injection in the neck of a glowing blue liquid labeled something exotic like Formulae DQZ-785-X.

Or, maybe, you think, surely with his vast wealth he visited a renowned herbalist deep in the heart of China, there to undergo treatment with a secret, ancient ritual, known only to a few.

Given herbs from plants that are found only in the most remote of places, that bloom only once a century, made into an elixir given to me by a weathered Shaman, mumbling an arcane chant to invigorate my "Chi".

Or, maybe I went the more mundane route, with Walgreen’s Zinc remedies and, of course, antibiotics.

Well, guess what?

You’re all wrong!

No, I just got better with some Mucinex and Motrin. That’s it.

No secret formulas.

No powerful antivirals or antibiotics.


Yet, I do wonder how many of you out there would have crawled to your internist and begged for a “Z-Pac”.

And you would have pathetically begged and begged, until they gave in out of pity, and to get rid of you.

Or you would have “sworn by” your Emergen-C, and Zinc and other crap.

Ultimately, colds go away. They suck, for sure, but they go away.

I think that today, they may seem so much worse because we don’t allow ourselves to be sick.

Sick days are gone, and we will be damned if we are wasting a vacation day.

Better to infect all our coworkers instead.

We should just make efforts to try to stay hydrated, eat well and get rest, and let our bodies heal themselves.

And if anyone tells you that they know of a miraculous cure for your cold-STAY SKEPTICAL!

Or, if they dare say they were sicker than me-STAY SKEPTICAL!

Please like and share far and wide. Help me get the word out!

Please comment, I read them all!

And, stay well.


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