Game of Thrones Recap: Eastwatch

Game of Thrones Recap: Eastwatch

More table setting tonight and people getting from here to there faster than you can say "Littlefinger's magic carriage," but there were some really, really good moments in this episode. Let's check in with our friends.

(Time is meaningless at this point, right? Bran was beyond the wall for "years" and it takes Jaime a minute to get from Highgarden to King's Landing. And Tyrion and Davos to King's Landing. And Jon, et. al. to the Wall.)

(OMG the comment that Bran, the cripple, was able to survive beyond the Wall when no one else could. BECAUSE MEERA AND HODOR WERE HAULING HIS ASS AROUND AND PROTECTING HIM. Fucking Bran.)

Winterfell: I don't know. I'm starting with this one, because WTF. There are tensions between Sansa and Arya--Arya thinks Sansa yearns for power, which why not? She's not the only one. Littlefinger tries to mix things up by planting Fake News inside his mattress about how Sansa wants the throne? I don't even know anymore. Littlefinger used to advise kings. Now he's orchestrating a petty feud between sisters. I am not impressed.

King's Landing: Cersei is so losing to Dany right now, but she doesn't know it yet. She, a person who has never been on the battlefield, thinks she can buy mercenaries to beat up the Dothraki and the dragons. Good luck with that. Cersei is still having secret meetings with Qyburn and for some reason Jaime still loves her, which is gross. (Oh, and Cersei now knows that Olenna killed Joffrey, and she's listening to Jaime about a potential armistice with Daenerys to defeat the White Walkers, which just means she's working on something extra evil with Qyburn to take down dragons.)

Flea Bottom and the shore: Hey, Gendry's back. I wasn't excited to see Hot Pie this season, and I didn't think I'd love a Gendry pop-in, but this one works. A) Gendry's a fox. And B) Gendry could possibly throw a wrench (hammer) into everything. He is cool and brave and handsome, and he's Robert Baratheon's son. If people find out about that, we might have a new contender for the throne. (Davos was great in this episode, too, by the way. This scene was also the tiniest nod to Davos's stellar story in the books, where he's off looking for Rickon--who's not dead. While everyone else is focused on other things, Davos remembers the forgotten people who might have claims--to either the throne or Winterfell.)

Dragonstone: Jorah is back, rendering his whole greyscale diversion completely meaningless. He's right back where he started. But I guess his absence has made Dany's heart grow fonder? She was looking at him with new, bedroom eyes. (I loved the look on Jon's face when Dany and Jorah hugged. He was thinking what we all were thinking, i.e. WTF is this?) Speaking of Jon, he got to touch a dragon because he's a Secret Targaryan. And Tyrion is starting to be a better hand.

The Citadel: Sam's leaving because no one will listen to him. Can I tell you how much I've hated this whole "Sam knows better than the maesters" story? I HATE IT. It's all terrible, except for the fact that Horace Slughorn gets to hang around. Everything else is awful, especially the fact that Gilly is still goddamn around. Sam should've dumped her with his mother when he had the chance. Now he's stuck with this fool and her baby. Whenever they're all on screen I feel like I'm watching a high-concept TGIF show on ABC. HATE. RAGE.

The Wall: Jon, the Hound, Jorah, Beric, Gendry, Davos, and Tormund are off to fight the White Walkers and steal one of them to convince the queens. This is the A-Team. No one else matters, basically. If any of these folks die next week, I will cry.

Other Stuff:

Very quietly, the show told us for sure that Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryan were married and in love when they bumped uglies and made Jon Snow.

Fermented crab is Westerosi viagra. It's probably covered by insurance companies.

There goes my crackpot theory that Dickon Tarly would be the one to sit on the Iron Throne when all was said and done.

What did you think?

I wrote a book! It's YA novel, THE SOUND OF US. You can find the details right here! Kirkus calls it "a winning story about a teenage voice student that hits all the right notes."

I also wrote another book, Any Boy but You, (You've Got Mail in the Pokemon Go era). You can buy it here.

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