Game of Thrones Recap: Beyond the Wall

Game of Thrones Recap: Beyond the Wall

This all could've been avoided if...

This was an entertaining, if utterly preventable (in, really, every way), hour+ of television. Let's check in.

Winterfell: Are you still #teamarya? I'm not. Never have been, really. And Sansa is 100% in the right here. (Full disclosure, I've been #teamsansa since pretty much the beginning of time.) Yeah, Sansa wrote that letter. And, no, Lyanna Mormont probably wouldn't do the same thing Sansa did now, if she happened to find herself in a similar position. But times are very different now than they were before Ned's beheading. Sansa was still pretty innocent at that point. Cersei was treating her well and had made promises that Sansa had no reason not to accept at face value--and, really, Cersei had been prepared to keep her promise not to behead Ned. It was Joffrey who called for Ned's death.

Ned's death took everyone (but Joffrey) by surprise. Trust died that day in Westeros. So, no, Lady Lyanna wouldn't trust Cersei today, but neither would Sansa. Everyone's eyes are wide open at this point.

Also, Sansa has a point that it's not like Arya did anything to stop Ned's death. Plus, she's been off on her own this whole time while Sansa has been working within the system. How is it that Sansa, who had to deal with both Ramsay and Joffrey, is the most well-adjusted Stark kid?

Do I kind of hope Sansa kills Arya? Yes, I do.

Dragonstone: Dany "Don't call me Dany" Targaryen and Tyrion are talking about things and love and Jon Snow. She still questions Tyrion's loyalty when it comes to his family, and he is very interested in how she plans to deal with succession once she's on the iron throne, which is a good question, Dany, sorry.

Tyrion also thinks she has a bit of a hot temper, which, yes. And everyone suspects Cersei is working on a trap, because of course she is. And then Dany gets a magical raven and decides to fly up to Eastwatch to help the dudes she sent up there to walk home a pet wight, like Michonne from The Walking Dead.

Which brings me to this: Why didn't Dany just fly up there and see the white walkers for herself? I know the "reason" for going beyond the wall was to catch a wight for Cersei's benefit; but, if Dany, the one with the dragons, believes in the walking dead, then why do they even need Cersei's help at this point? What army does she even have? Screw Cersei. Let her sit in her ivory tower alone, refusing to see the truth. A lot of good, nameless men (and Thoros of Mir) had to die for this folly.

Eastwatch by the Sea: I went into this episode predicting that Top Knot Thoros and Beric would die. I was half right. I still think Beric's days are numbered, especially since his priest is dead now. He's on his last life.

I *knew* no one we actually cared about would die. The show literally just brought Jorah back from the brink of death. Why bother if you're only going to kill him in the next hour? Gendry, too. The Hound still has work to do (marrying Sansa and killing the Mountain). Tormund has to get back to Brienne for fan service sex. And Jon Snow is the Ice in the Song of Ice and Fire. He's not going anywhere.

That's my problem with this season--the low stakes. They've killed off all the expendable characters. Olenna was probably the highest profile death this season, and she wasn't a major player. Euron could die--and Yara, the remaining Sand Snake, Pod, Gilly, Meera if we ever see her again, anyone still at the Wall, and the Unsullied at Casterly Rock, even Grey Worm. Whereas it used to feel like no one was safe, pretty much every important character will survive through the rest of this season.

The battle was ridiculous. It was exactly like Battle of the Bastards last year, except instead of "deus ex army" we got "deus ex dragon," oh, AND "deus ex Uncle Benjen."

I don't know why the battle had to be so lopsided, and why they had to be surrounded in the exact same way Jon's army was surrounded in the battle against Ramsay. Work harder, writers.

And THEN they sent Gendry running back to Eastwatch by himself with no weapons, and I have no clue how time works on this show anymore. How long had they been walking? It seemed like days. How long did it take Gendry to run back? How long did it take the raven to fly to Dragonstone? How long did it take Dany to fly up to Eastwatch? From what I can tell, Westeros is about the size of Kenilworth at this point, the way people are positively flying between point A and point B.

Then Dany showed up with her dragons--all three for some reason. She saved the day. One dragon got killed by a White Walker's spear (and I totally called "zombie dragon"). Dany flew off with the survivors, save Jon, and she seemed way more broken up at the loss of her new crush than about the death of her baby. Jon was saved by Uncle Benjen, who rode in out of nowhere and sacrificed himself, and now the show is officially pushing the Jonerys romance, which I am not feeling, sorry.

What did you think? I've said enough.

I wrote a book! It's YA novel, THE SOUND OF US. You can find the details right here! Kirkus calls it "a winning story about a teenage voice student that hits all the right notes."

I also wrote another book, Any Boy but You, (You've Got Mail in the Pokemon Go era). You can buy it here.

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