The orange ogre was on George Stephanopoulos this week (AKA This Week with George Stephanopoulos). He called in to talk about the violence that has been up at his rallies, which is in no way a direct result of his violent rhetoric. Because he doesn't have violent rhetoric. He doesn't condone violence. He does condone using the best words, though. Donald Trump has all the best words.
Here are many Trump's best words, which I've translated for you into plain, old American from Trump-speak, which can be difficult to decipher thanks to a plethora of superlative adjectives and number words.
"Well, it's not only Tucson, I mean we had a great rally right next to Phoenix, and there was an amazing 21,000 people; but the protestors blocked the road, so you had thousands of people who couldn't get in. Sheriff Joe, who did a fantastic job, immediately arrested three people and the rally totally broke up. It totally broke up. The, the people that were protesting left and they went and there was no problem, and everybody went in. We had 21,000. There wasn't one word during this massive rally."
"Tucson, you're on notice. Phoenix is great, and you suck. Sheriff Joe rules all. When I build a huge, classy wall around you, Tucson, and make you pay for it, Sheriff Joe will be the King Sheriff of that wall. Bow to your king, Tucson, you gigantic piece of garbage."
"Then, well, then a little bit later on we went to other areas. I mean, we went all over, frankly, we went all over Arizona. And we went to Tucson, and we had some people who wouldn't allow people for the rally to come into the door. They were making it almost impossible to get in. We had 6,000 people at least. We had 2,000 people outside that weren't allowed in. These people are very disruptive people."
"I had 21.000 people show up for a rally in Phoenix. 21,000 beautiful people. Tucson, you trash fire of a town, sent only 6,000, which is way less than 21,000. I know this because I have all the best math. Eat a bag of dicks, Tucson, you disgusting heap of rotting tripe nuggets."
"Well, you know, he was wearing, he or his partner was wearing a Ku Klux Klan outfit. This happened to be an African American man who was very [unintelligible] person at the rally, who was very, very incensed at the fact that somebody, a protester, would be wearing a Klu Klux Klan outfit. And he...went...wild, and frankly that was, you know, that was a tough thing to watch. And I watched that. But why would a protester walk into a room with a Ku Klux Klan outfit on?"
"My one black friend, possibly Dr. Ben Carson but maybe not, who wrote in his book about how he's prone to violence, did violence against a protester who I say was wearing a KKK outfit. It gave me tons of joy to watch this whole exchange."
After George questions whether or not the guy was actually wearing the aforementioned KKK outfit: "If you would've seen him just before he went up the stairs, him and his partner were wearing, one of 'em was wearing a Ku Klux Klan outfit."
"I said he, or his partner (so, duh, GAY) was wearing a KKK outfit. Who are you going to believe? Me, your dear leader, or the media. Media people suck worse than Tucson, am I right, folks?"
"We don't condone violence, and I say it, I have very little violence, very, very little violence at the rallies. Uh, as I said, in Phoenix we had 21,000 people, we had, we didn't even have anybody stand up and, and try and disrupt. You know, the disruptors. And there's really stopping our First Amendment rights, if you think about it, George. The blocked the road. They put their cars in front of the road. We had thousands and thousands of people wanting to come. They were delayed for an hour because of these protesters. And, you know, at what point do people blame the protesters?"
"When I become president for life, I'm moving the capital to Phoenix, I love it so much. I love it 21,000 times 21,000 so much. You know what I don't love? Ha-ha, besides Tucson. I don't love protesters who keep my thousands and thousands of subjects from entering my rallies. If it weren't for them, there'd be no violence. So, really, let's call a spade a spade. It's their fault they get themselves beat. My supporters can't, and shouldn't be expected to, control their violent tendencies. Great America was founded on violent outbursts, and also big roller coasters."
"Oh and my First Amendment rights > the protesters' First Amendment rights, because $$$, also 21,000 people."
"No, I'm saying this. These are professional agitators, and I think that somebody should say that when a road is blocked going into the event, so that people have to wait sometimes hours to get in, I think that's very fair and they should be blamed there, too. When signs are put up, lifted up, with tremendous profanity on them. I mean, the worst profanity on them. And you have television cameras all over the place and people see these signs, I think maybe those people have some blame and should suffer some blame also."
"Written profanity = a beat-up-able offense. Also, too, giving the middle finger. I shouldn't even have to say this. We live in a society. Let's keep things civilized."
"Well, you know what, because security at the arena, the police were a little bit lax. And he had signs, they had signs up in that area that were horrendous, that I cannot say what they said on the sign, but the ultimate word, and it was all over camera, and frankly the television cameras can't take it, and they can't do anything about it, and I will give [my campaign manager] credit. Now, he didn't touch, he wasn't..."
"A) I'd say 'Fuck Tucson,' but I'm too much of a gentleman, so I won't do that. That said, in Trump's America, if you hold up profane signs that keep me from getting on the TV, you're gonna get beat. My security team will do it. My campaign people will do it. In Trump's America, everybody pitches in. It's a beautiful thing."
"I give them credit for having spirit, he wanted them to take down those profanity-laced signs. These are disruptives here. You go into a room with 20,000 people or they go into a room with six or seven thousand people and they stand up and they start shouting things and they, I mean, you know, at some point somebody should say, I will say this, Sheriff Joe Arpaio, in Phoenix, arrested three people. As soon as he arrested those three people, everybody else immediately left."
"Seriously, Tucson, you festering pool of acne pus."
Enjoy this post? Click like on the Hammervision Facebook page and join the party.
And, for more movie/TV commentary and other mischief, follow us on Twitter: @JulieHammerle and @Hammervision
Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.