Not really, but I could totally see that happening to me at some point.
I am free with the bird. I call it "the middle finger of righteous indignation," and I let it throw its weight around. I asked a man to read between the lines just this morning. He was stopped at a stop sign. He waited for a couple of school kids to cross, then zoomed through the intersection before I could enter the crosswalk. Boom. Bird. Fuck you, buddy, and your need for speed.
The other day, I brazenly peeled the banana for a car in front of me who was moving too slowly, yes, but who also had an NRA bumper sticker. Risky business, I know. But if he's a truly a responsible gun owner, he'll be able to keep his cool in a road rage incident, right? Right?
(Don't worry, Mom, I'll stop doing that.)
I feel like I'm doing the Lord's work, or, if not the Lord's, the Lord's sassy younger sister with an anger problem. I'm an Avenger, but my superhero power is a quick trigger (middle) finger.
Here are my bird-able offenses:
Blowing through a stop sign.
Cutting me off.
Cutting someone else off.
Religious Freedom bumper stickers.
Any bumper sticker with the word "Obamacare," even if I agree with the sentiment of the sticker. I just hate that stupid word.
Same goes for "lame-stream media."
And Sarah Palin. Any time she's on the TV, I will hold up my middle finger like it's a lighter and I'm at a Springsteen concert.
When you're a dick to the cashier at the grocery store. I'll give you a mental bird then. Or a pocket bird. Those come in handy.
Driving like a turtle in the left lane.
Driving like a maniac in the right lane.
Putting on your blinker too late to make a left-hand turn that inconveniences me.
Not pulling over to let me through on a crowded side street when I CLEARLY had already let a few cars go and it was my turn.
Driving your YUUUGE four-wheel drive pick up truck down the middle of a side street when there's a ton of snow and forcing me in my tiny Fiesta to pull over.
Bonus bird if your truck is sporting any offensive decals, like Calvin peeing on stuff or naked lady silhouettes.
Stick figure family decals that make fun of other people's stick figure family decals.
Neglecting to pick up your dog's shit. (I will flip off the shit itself if the person is not around.)
Questioning whether or not it's a good idea for me to be flipping people off so easily.
When do you flip the bird? Were you flipping the bird at this post while you were reading it? Felt good, didn't it?
Enjoy this post? Click like on the Hammervision Facebook page and join the party.
Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.