F*ck you, riding boots.

F*ck you, riding boots.

Hey, riding boots,

You look so cute on so many people. I see women walking kids to school, working some knee-high boots. Ladies at parties. Knee-high boots. Everyone everywhere. Knee-high boots.

I recently came into a little unexpected cash, so I thought, "Hey, I can rock those knee-high boots, too. If I wish real hard and clap my hands and truly believe, I can be one of those women."

Well, fuck you, riding boots. No, I can't.

I have no idea what shoes to wear with pants anymore. It's too cold for this and too warm for that. I own a couple pairs of calf-height boots, that are right in between riding boots and booties, and, ergo, not quite in style. I'm kind of rooting for snow, because then things will have been decided for me. "I can't wear those leather riding boots now. There's snow on the ground."

But there's no snow, only rain. And, oh yeah, fuck you, Hunter rain boots, too.

Yes, I know there are "wide shaft" or "wide calf" options. I went into a store today and asked what they had in those styles. One pair. A shit brown pair of hideous suede boots that I'd be too afraid of ruining. At another store, the lady showed me their wide calf options, all of which were sold out of my size. Of course.

I found one pair at DSW that I managed to get zipped, but those were so tight, I feared loss of circulation.

There's nothing more demoralizing than to try on pair after pair of boots, after losing fifty pounds, after maintaining a healthy weight for several years now and being generally pleased with your appearance, only to find yourself unable to zip any of the boots all the way up. There's nothing that reminds you more, "Hey, remember when you were fat? These robust calves are your continued punishment for eating like a pig and carrying those babies, lard ass."

So fuck you, riding boots. It'll probably snow next week anyway.

But, you know, P.S. If you're an ample-calved woman and have found a pair of boots you love, help a girl out.

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