The full title of this episode was "State of the Union or How We Learned to Stop Pretending Fitz Was a Republican and Love His Liberal Ass."
And, yeah, Fitz's liberal ass is not bad. Not bad at all.
First things first: Tonight's episode of Scandal centered around Fitz delivering the State of the Union address. The State of the Union usually takes place in January (or February). In DC, which, last time I checked, is not in southern California. The trees were green. Every last one of them. No one was wearing a coat, let alone a parka. Mellie was throwing picnics for herself outside.
I was like, well, the rules don't state that the president has to deliver the State of the Union in January. Maybe they pushed it back because of Gerry's death. But no.
The media on the show have been focusing on whom Fitz will select for his cabinet. There's all kinds of talk about him starting his second term. Which would put us squarely in January. With picnics.
That little rant over, what happened on the rest of the episode? Let's check in.
Harrison: Still dead, but still with us. Jake has coerced David Rosen into giving him the Harrison death files, so his suits live on, in photo form.
Jake: He's rented a hotel room, presumably to keep his snooping into Harrison's death a secret from Liv. Also, he wants to have sex in the hotel room, which, that's what hotel rooms are for and also he was sick of having sex in Liv's bed. Popcorn kernels. Everywhere.
Liv: She's fixing shit all over town. Fitz (by way of Cyrus) needs her to corral the gun control poster couple and bring them to DC for the State of the Union. She's fixing Abby's mistakes as press secretary. She's telling the couple who hates each other to get divorced. She's telling Huck and Quinn that they're grossing us all the fuck out so stop it. Stop it now.
Abby: She's the new Liv. Take a seat, Liv. You've been replaced. Your little chick has flown the coop and she put out the biggest fire Scandal has: she got Mellie Grant to take off her Uggs.
Mellie: The media was trying to sell her as "crazy," but I still don't see it. She's just doing what we all wish we were doing: lying around all day (with FABULOUS hair), wearing sweats and Uggs, eating chips and fried chicken. Why is everyone trying to stifle Mellie's happiness?
Huck and Quinn: If we ignore this, will it just go away?
Cyrus: Apparently I was wrong. Apparently hookers and the vice president can also see Portia De Rossi. I'm so disappointed. Cyrus is still getting whined at by Liz, who's just a big whiner. But for some reason Cyrus buys into all of it, even going so far as to tell David Rosen he's out of the running for attorney general on account of blackmail. Cyrus has lost his edge. (Also, why does a second term president need to care so much about what the national committee thinks? He's the damn president. I know that's a real life thing, and not just a Scandal thing, but come on. Forget those guys. You're the head honcho. Nobama.) Cyrus has been trolling bars for dudes and he found one with a cheesy face and big, Hilary Duff teeth, who was, naturally, a sex worker hired by Liz for blackmail purposes.
Fitz: He's also never been better, and that's not even sarcasm. I like this new Fitz who's talking about gun control and the Constitution. I like the Fitz who appreciates Liv for her brain and not just for her bewbs. I like the Fitz who runs after his wife when she's in pain and holds her. This is a Fitz worth knowing. I feel like the world is spinning in a different direction right now. I just complimented Fitz. He may even be my favorite character on the show right now. I don't even know myself.
- Do we really need a politically correct term for "prostitute?" And is "sex worker" really the best choice?
- Cyrus is a vegetarian now, hence the hair. That's what eating no meat does to you.
- Mike from Ed! This is the second Ed reference on TV this week. When it rains, it pours.
- Also, Mary McCormick looks so much like a blond Bellamy Young it was a waste not to have them play sisters.
- Maybe they are sisters! Secret sisters! This is a Shonda Rhimes show after all.
- I'm shipping this now.
- Hey, look! It's Andrew the Veep. I completely forgot that guy existed.
- The more Jake talks about how good he is in bed the more I'm inclined to believe that's not the case.
- "Yes, the right to bear arms is in the Constitution. So was slavery." Bam. Fitz, I've never liked you more.
- "MacArthur Park" was really the only choice to end this episode. It's really the only choice to end every TV episode.
What did you think of Scandal?