I read an article yesterday about Brad Pitt and his love of guns. Despite being a celebrity with security and (I'm sure) Daenerys's dragons guarding his French chateau, he only feels truly safe with a piece by his bedside.
I know a lot of people feel the same way and his point of view is not out of the ordinary, though it didn't seem to jibe for me with his persona of being kind of a laid back stoner dad with a wife who hangs out with the Queen.
That said, I couldn't help picturing a Brad Pitt twelve years in the future. He and the Jolie will have divorced by then and he'll be on his third wife, Bella, a twenty-two-year-old waitress whose mom was a big Twilight fan. We'll be in the middle of some presidential campaign, probably Jenna Bush Hager vs. Chelsea Clinton, and Brad will be Chuck Norrising on FOX News, clutching his guns and warning us against the certain apocalypse that will arrive at our door should another Clinton find her way into office.
Then I got to thinking about other celebrities who might also wind up doing things we wouldn't expect. It's a rare bird who makes it through his celebrity life scot free. Mel Gibson wasn't immune. Neither was Winona Ryder. Or Tom Cruise. Almost everyone falls from grace at some point, unless you're Paul Newman. So who's going to lose it and how?
1. Beyonce. The cracks are showing. I'm assuming you saw her wig yesterday. No one with such a perfectly crafted image can keep it going forever. I picture a Grey Gardens-in-the-French-countryside situation with her and Blue Ivy Carter.
2. Justin Timberlake. He and Bey are of the same generation, the generation of performing machines. You know who else was a performing machine? Michael Jackson, one of Timberlake's idols. I don't see him going full Jacko, but I do see him wandering along the 405 wearing one glove and no pants.
3. Tina Fey. She's been smudge-free so far. I see a torrid love affair with someone like Kellan Lutz (or the 2018 equivalent) in her future. Or so much plastic surgery she becomes unrecognizable.
4. Ryan Seacrest. Secret animal hoarder. Don't tell me you're surprised.
5. Tom Hanks. This will be the killer, the one that breaks a million hearts, because Tom Hanks always seems so together and in on the joke. He'll leave Rita Wilson to run away with Peter Scolari in drag. The two of them will move to Vermont and live as a lesbian couple with a maple syrup store and three dogs. Actually, that sounds lovely.
Which celebrities do you see going off the deep end?
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