Take several seats, Blossom: Why I hate Mayim Bialik's article about hating the movie Frozen

FrozenMayim Bialik is a smart woman. She can boast that she is both a doctor and an actress on one of the biggest shows on television.

She's also, apparently, a parenting expert. But aren't we all? Isn't that what the internet is all about? Your experiences + the way you live your life = you know better than everybody else? That's the premise I've based my entire lucrative blogging career off of.

I know Mayim's post on Kveller was probably just troll bait, but here I am, just a troll, standing in front of a post, asking it to offend her.

1. Ugh with the Judgy McJudgerson. Her whole takedown of Frozen is how it's not feminist enough; yet, she feels the need to get all uppity about her parenting decisions vs. other women's, saying that she only showed her sons Frozen on a "bad parenting day" when she "thought she was going to burn a fuse in her brain." For the record, bad parenting = showing your kids a movie. Take notes, subpar mothers. This actress who hopes you'll watch her TV show so her family can keep rolling in the coin thinks you're a poor parent if you let your kids watch Daniel Tiger. You're basically as bad as Adrian Peterson if you turn on the Netflix. Not really, but let me have my hyperbole.

2. She hates musicals. Just period. Hates musicals. Blanket statement. I'm assuming she also hates puppies and Tom Hiddleston.

3. Now onto the feminism thing. 1) Since it's a Disney movie, the bar is pretty low as far as feminism goes. I think Frozen, which is really more about sisterly love, should get a bit of a pass.  2) Yeah, Anna was really excited to marry Prince Hanz, but COME ON. Girl had been locked in a castle for her entire life. We're lucky she didn't start dry humping him right on there on the village pier. We're lucky she didn't start dry humping his horse right there on the village pier. 3) Anna's whole relationship with Kristoff, with whom she does end up spoiler alert, is way more about the two of them connecting on an interpersonal level than about her wanting to LOCK THAT SHIT DOWN. That's pretty feminist, modern, and refreshing, if you ask me. (Don't worry, I know you didn't.)

4. Prince Hans. I'm with her that what happened to Hans sucked, but not because of male bashing. It sucked because of poor storytelling. The writers (or producers, whoever) obviously felt they needed a villain in this movie, tossed a dart, and picked Hans. There was no foreshadowing that he was the bad guy. There was no cackling in a dark corner after Anna turned her back. Bad Hans came out of nowhere and it's by far the worst thing about Frozen.

5. Male-bashing, really? Kristoff is probably one of the best male characters we've seen in a recent Disney movie. Also, why is it "male-bashing" for a guy to be a villain? Would it be "female-bashing" if a woman were the bad guy? Should I, as a woman, be pissed about Ursula the Sea Witch and Cruella de Ville? Somebody's got to be the villain and there's a 50% chance it's going to be a dude.

6. Anna and Elsa's designs. I guess I should be all up in arms about how unrealistic the women in this film looked, but come on. Kristoff's body would also not exist in real life. The Duke of Weselton was a tiny shrunken man. There was a talking snowman who kept living even when his body fell apart. This is not a film based in reality. Also, again, this is a Disney movie with fairly strong female characters not focused on romance. Baby steps.

7. Really, though, it's the holier than thou-ness that bothers me. Most of us mothers are, to paraphrase a theme song from the Blossom era, doing it the best we can. We all have bad parenting moments. We all beat ourselves up, worrying that we're runing our kids in a hundred different ways every day. We don't need a TV actress to do it for us.


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