Dear Esteemed Weseltonians,
I am deeply remorseful that my mispronunciation of your town’s name made it back to you after my sister’s coronation. It has come to my attention how very wrong of me it was to compare the hardworking, proud people of Weselton to a sniveling rodent. My doing so only served to further a stereotype, a stereotype that should’ve died a painful death alongside my parents in that horrible shipwreck.
My sister left a book on my pillow the other day with a note that said, “Read this, jackass.” She’s so funny, that Elsa. The book was Erik Stossel’s Weselton: Now and Then. Just in reading the table of contents I have been awed by the strength, tenacity, and resourcefulness of the Weseltonian people.
I hope you know that my apology is heartfelt and genuine and does not at all come at the request of my sister, the queen. The people of Weselton, all the way up on that hill or in that vale or wherever Weselton is, are truly closest to God (even if they’re down in a valley somewhere; geography is not my strong suit).
Again, I’m really sorry that you were offended and that I had to write this apology at all. Even though it probably only seems like I’m doing so because I have egg on my face, I am donating three bags of gold to the Weselton Boys and Girls club. Enjoy your new basketballs or whatever.
All the best,
Princess Anna of Arendelle
Dear Weasel Defamation Society,
I am very sorry that I called you rodents in my apology to the people of Weselton. You are not rodents. You are a hardworking, proud species with a rich history. Calling you rodents only served to further a stereotype, a stereotype that should’ve been kicked back to the Southern Isles with that bastard, Prince Hans. Am I right?
Please know that my apology is heartfelt and genuine and not at all copied from my original apology to the Weseltonians.
Princess A of A
Dear People of the Southern Isles,
Eat a bag of dicks.
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