Dry Weddings: Yea or Nay?

Dry Weddings: Yea or Nay?
A Very Hammervision wedding.

There were reports on Dlisted and Radar Online yesterday that Justin Theroux really wants Jennifer Aniston to agree to a dry wedding, i.e. no alcohol. I'm assuming water is OK.

What are your feelings on this?

I can wrap my brain around a dry wedding if alcohol is a sensitive subject for the bridal party, because of alcoholism or pregnancy or because, at the last family wedding, the mother-of-the bride stripped down to her Spanx before twerking with the fifth groomsman on the head table during the father/daughter dance. However, the bride and groom have to realize -- and, yes, we know it's your Special Day -- but, at least in my neck of the woods, unless you are our child or sibling or dearest friend on Earth, we're not shelling out money for dresses and hiring babysitters because it's our dream night to hear you tell your bridegroom that you will make him blueberry pancakes every Sunday morning (barf). We're there for 1) cake (cake is first), 2) dancing, and 3) an open bar.

I have been to some dry weddings and I've been to some nearly-dry weddings. I don't think I've actually been to a cash bar wedding, so apparently I have good people in my life.

I've been to a dry luncheon wedding that resulted in some people defecting and trying to sneak into the bar mitzvah happening next door. I don't know if they had alcohol there, but they definitely had full-size candy bars, which will do in a pinch. (I suppose the lesson is, if you don't want to give us the booze, at least sugar us up with big ass Clark Bars.) I went to a wedding where they just served beer...and then had enough champagne for a toast. This resulted in the wine drinkers complaining all night while stealing and hoarding glasses of champagne from other tables. I've been to weddings (well, a wedding) where there was no alcohol, but there was karaoke. As you can imagine, this led to one ten-year-old girl monopolizing the microphone and singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" over and over again while her proud mama looked on and snapped pictures.

So, I'm not saying you need an open bar at your wedding, but you need an open bar at your wedding.

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