I think we all went into this Scandal finale thinking that we'd spend the hour waiting for the bomb at the church to go off. The penultimate episode ended with a clock ticking down from sixty minutes, and, hey, sixty minutes is exactly the amount of time in a Scandal episode. We all went in thinking we'd see an episode of 24, but that's not what we got.
The bomb went off before the first commercial break. Cyrus started to maybe kind of feel bad about not telling anyone that he knew the church was going to blow up; and right before he confessed to Fitz, Jake burst in and truth bombed everyone about what was about to go down at that random senator's funeral. Fitz sprang into presidential action and had the church 75% evacuated before the bomb finally detonated, killing no one we cared about (Except maybe Andrew? We never saw him this episode, but he was at the funeral, right? He's probably still stuck in the rubble, but Mellie's been too drunk to realize he hasn't been around in a while).
The main purpose for the bomb going off (at least story-wise) was to give Sally a way to take charge of the election. She and Leo got out in time, with barely a scratch on them. Leo told her that this moment is her Pearl Harbor, it's her 9/11, and she should use it to her advantage. So he ripped the sleeves off her shirt and sent her out to the masses to be their Florence Nightingale.
Of course the press took to this like Fitz to Olivia, and they plastered images of Sally bandaging people all over the place. They even split screened and then eventually bumped Fitz's "It's too bad what happened at there church" speech in favor of following Sally Langston: Good Samaritan.
Fitz, despite being someone Olivia calls "the best politician in this game," does not realize that Sally has essentially won this election with a few strategically placed tourniquets. He's mostly bummed that he'll never know if he can win an election on his own, which is really the most important part about being president. The popularity.
Liv tells him that it's time to give up the game, it's time to make a concession speech and move on...er...to Vermont where they can get married and make jam and Liv can have babies, because these are all things we can definitely see Olivia Pope being totally into. Does she not realize how sticky and colorful jam is? And how messy and gross children are? Olivia wears a lot of white. If she's insisting on starting a whole new family, she'll need a whole new wardrobe.
But Liv can't just herself be happy with that awful man and president she loves. She has to take a minute to tell him that his father raped Mellie back when Fitz was running for governor. Now, how did Olivia know all this, come to all of these conclusions, seeing as the only thing she actually heard Mellie mumble was Big Jerry's name in a drunken stupor? Well, that's just a ridiculous question, and shame on you for asking.
What happens when Liv tells Fitz about Mellie and Big Jerry is that Mellie and Fitz actually start talking again, which, nice. Fitz is very understanding, seeing as this was something for which Mellie is blameless/it happened a lot of years ago/Fitz is not totally a monster (I guess). He even gives his wife a hug.
The family Grant goes together to the Fitz concession speech, where he's expected to unite the party around Sally Langston. But he doesn't get that far, because all of a sudden, Little Jerry is bleeding out of his nose like a common person. Mellie tells him to get his act together, but then he's on the floor and Fitz is all, "I should probably stop talking now."
Li'l Jer ends up dying, which is sad and dark, even for Scandal. I almost feel bad for making jokes about Jerry's spunk in a bag las week. Almost. It's hard to feel too bad, because no one on the show seems to care that much. Sure, Mellie is drunk and sedated, and Fitz is wandering around like a lost puppy, though I get the sense that's more about losing Liv than it is about losing his son. Fitz actually is a monster...and one of the best politicians of our day.
After test results come back on poor Little Jerrry, everyone concludes that he died from a specific strain of bacterial meningitis that came from a secret government lab. Everyone concludes that this must have been Maya Pope, because actual clues and facts are for suckers, and I'm just left wondering why more people weren't freaked out about catching the 'gitis from Jerry's sneezed-out bacteria-ridden blood.
For her part, Mama Pope claims (while visiting Eli in the hospital) that everything she's done has been in the name of her daughter, including hijacking planes and sexing up Dominic. And Eli manages to convince Fitz that Maya Pope was the one who stole the bacteria, so now they have a bad guy to hunt, like they never had one before.
While discussing the death of Jerry, Liv and Cyrus both admit that one of their first thoughts was about how the situation will help Fitz get reelected. Cyrus is way too chipper and way too apathetic about Fitz's feelings. As much as Fitz sucks, his son just died. Give the man a minute to grieve, Cyrus. I know you got over James's death in a hot second, but not all of us are evil vipers who only care about winning.
Because she wears the white hat, Olivia feels bad for being so crass and thinking about the election while poor Jerry's body was barely cold. So she decides to do the logical thing and leave the country. She asks her father if his offer of a plane and new life still stand, and he basically shoves her toward the airport. She goes home to pack, and Jake shows up, asking her to take him with. She agrees, because Olivia can't do anything without a boy around. (And now I'm thinking, did Papa Pope somehow get the info to Jake that Liv was planning on leaving? Because Eli knew Jake would try to go with her and this would get rid of both Liv AND Jake, which is the dream, if you're Eli Pope? Or did Jake somehow get wind of Olivia's leaving, and decide to go with her, not just for the plane sex possibilities, but also to keep tabs on her/use her has collateral against Papa Pope/force her to make jam?)
Back at the White House, Fitz is winning, but he basely cares. He stumbles into the Oval Office and collapses on the floor, thinking all the time about Jerry, and Mellie's rape, and Olivia's sweet ass, and kittens probably, and B-613 (Zoinks, how awesome would it have been if Fitz killed himself or had a fatal heart attack in this moment? Am I horrible for wishing Fitz had just...expired? Probably, but I don't care. Fitz blows). Mellie tries to help him snap out of it, but all he does is ask for Olivia. Groan. Will we ever get off this ride?
He calls her -- or someone does -- she sees the number on the phone and ignores the call. SCANDAL.
- Pretty sure Harrison just died. We didn't actually see him fall to the ground dead or anything; but based on the fact that he had a gun to his head and that Columbus Short has been having some pretty big deal legal problems lately, I figure he lifts right out. Maybe they avoided showing the body, just in case he ends up being asked back.
- Also RIP, Adnan. We'll...miss you?
- Thank goodness Leo is still around. He and Abby need to hook up, thanks.
- Who doesn't need to hook up anymore? Huck and Quinn. Those two are disgusting.
- But maybe now that Huck knows where his family is, he can stop banging Quinn right next to their boss's dad's blood puddle.
- Oh, yeah. The meningitis. That was Eli, all along. Well, Eli and the B-613 secret service agent, who did the infecting.
- Now Maya Pope is in the B-613 hidey hole and Eli is back in charge of Command, which, good for him. And good for us. More speeches.
What did you think? Of the Scandal finale?
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