"Its cousin the mammoth gets all the glory, but the mastodon is the far more dangerous beast."
This episode of Scandal was all about people showing their sharp, hidden mastodon teeth in order to get what they want. Thank you Spy Daddy, who pretended to be a Smithsonian scientist, for the lesson and for delivering the theme of this episode with so much menacing panache.
Spy Daddy of Five Years Ago: He paid for Olivia's law school and now he expects to have dinner with her every Sunday night until such time when she repays her debt, which will be never. Spy Daddy sees this as a way to reconnect with his daughter, to whom he became estranged after her mother died (but probably really didn't die, because this is Scandal). Liv sees these dinners as a chore. The only real pleasure she gets from them is being able to hand off a doggie bag to her homeless friend Huck at the end of the night.
One night, Liv gets mugged and Huck comes to her rescue by delivering to those thugs the beating of their lives. Olivia asks Huck where he got the mad skills, and he rambles the truth to her...B613...holes...Wonderland. Liv immediately jumps to the conclusion that her Smithsonian-working father must know all about clandestine government agencies (naturally), so she asks him 'bout it. He pretends to know nothing, but he has a really sneaky look on his face, so you know he's lying.
Next thing that happens, Huck has been "arrested," and Liv can't find him to bail him out. She goes to the Acme factory where Huck said the B613 magic happened. There she realizes that Huck wasn't full of shit and that her father (courtesy of a well-utilized pen prop; thank you, bearded David Rosen) was actually a part of B613.
Liv confronts him about this and he goes all mastodon on her, telling her that he is her father and she does not even KNOW how big a badass he is and if she even thinks about questioning him, he will bring her down. He will bring her straight down to Chinatown.
Liv proves the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when she brings her boyfriend (nay, fiancé) over to her father's house for Sunday dinner. She introduces Edison as a member of the Senate Intelligence Whatever and tells her dad that he'd better release Huck from that hidey hole or Edison will go all inquiry on his ass.
Dad hears her threat and lets Huck go. But he does Liv one better. He hurts Edison in an "accident" and tells Liv that worse will happen if she doesn't dump the guy. Liv does what he asks and quits their Sunday dinners cold turkey.
Spy Daddy of Today: Liv wants Jake Ballard back. She confronts Huck and asks him what happens to B613 members who disobey orders. Huck, who is the chattiest spy/killer of all time, tells Liv about the hole. She confronts her dad and tells him to let Jake out of the hole. Daddy gets all, "Whatever. Only if Janeane admits that she had an affair with the President."
Sidebar: I really don't get why people were so conflicted about Janeane telling the press that she slept with the president. For Olivia, Janeane taking the fall means that the heat is off of her. For Fitz, it means he gets to remain president. Which he doesn't seem to want, really. Fitz hates being president. He's the worst "grass is greener" guy of all time. You're the fucking president, Fitz. Wah-wah, you poor baby, we all feel just awful for you. Suck it up for two more years, you wiener.
Liv, always the girl with the white hat, will not let Janeane take the fall for all the Fitz boning nonsense (again, why not? I don't know). She tells Janeane that if she admits to the affair, she'd be selling her soul to the tune of a cool $2 million, tax free. Janeane is just about to choose her choice...when her interview is preempted by Fitzy Baby.
Fitz: Fitz goes on camera and tells the world he boned Janeane. He's the real hero.
He wanted to tell the truth, he really truly did. But because his actual mistress wanted him to help free the guy she hooked up with that one time, Fitz decided to take one for the team, blame Janeane, and remain president.
And now he and his giant, presidential balls have Millie and Cyrus by their collective scrotum. They won't have old Fitzy to push around anymore, no sir. He's the one who's gonna be doing the pushing. Unless he gets too sad about not being able to see Olivia anymore and he accidentally wages war against Canada.
Huck: Huck is the most mild-mannered killing machine I've ever seen on television, but something told me that one day he'd wind up hurting Olivia. He's a mastodon in mammoth clothing, so to speak. I didn't think it would happen so soon, though. He is pissed that she never told him her dad was the head of the B613 operation. He is also pissed that she did strike a deal for his release -- that her having him freed sounded the end of her relationship with her father. And we all know how much family means to Huck.
Sleeping Mastodon Quinn: She's gonna kill somebody someday. I just feel it. Same way I feel it with Winston on New Girl. Those two are the most dangerous characters on television right now.
- Did Olivia say "summa cum loud" when talking about Janeane's many accomplishments? That's not right, right?
- Oh yeah. Jake's back. And he needs a shower.
- We finally learned the origin of Olivia's wine obsession. That one was weighing on me.
- From here on out Liv will have to eat Sunday dinners with her father. What a fun sexy time for all of us.
- Harrison Watch: He did literally no things this episode. I think one time he chastised Quinn for not being more like Olivia, but that was it. #FreeHarrison
- THEORY: Now that we've seen Huck turn his violence on Olivia, I think we'll also see other members of her staff turn on her throughout the season, especially Harrison. He follows her so blindly right now, I think eventually the Olivia Pope colored glasses will have to come off.
- And I'd be FINE with the above. I just want Harrison to have SOMETHING, anything to do at this point. Columbus Short is being wasted right now. Though he does look great in a suit. STILL NOT ENOUGH.
What did you think? Does Harrison stand immobile in a closet until someone needs to utter the word "gladiator" and one of the crew just winds him up?
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