The Walking Dead Season Finale Recap: Made to Suffer

The Walking Dead Season Finale Recap: Made to Suffer
Seriously, Michonne, what did you THINK was under that hood?

Last night, I'm sure you've heard, was the first half of the third season finale for the hit AMC TV show, The Walking Dead. We were treated to blood, guts, tragic deaths, and...ahmahgerd, Cutty.

I don't pay much attention to TV news and spoilers. I used to be a spoiler glutton. I wanted to know everything before it happened. Who was leaving? Who was returning? Who was getting engaged or married or pregnant or dead? But then I realized that I just didn't enjoy watching TV anymore. I knew too many things. So I stopped, and started watching television like your average Joe or my mother. And that I why I had no idea that Dennis "Cutty" Wise of HBO's The Wire was joining the cast of The Walking Dead. What a delightful surprise, for me.

Of course, you know what this means. As the show established a few heartbreaking weeks ago, The Walking Dead can only have one African-American man on the show at a time. That's why T-Dog had to die when New T-Dog showed up. And that's why, last night, New T-Dog also had to disappear into the great beyond.

RIP New T-Dog. I never did catch your character's real name. And now I'll never have the chance to.

The show kicked off with some new characters (led by Cutty or "Tyrese," but let's call him Cutty because The Wire is awesome), running through the woods hoping to find shelter. They immediately brought to mind the "Tailies" from LOST, which means I've already mentioned two other TV shows without really getting to the meat of what happened on The Walking Dead last night. Cutty and friends made it through the woods with only one of them getting zombie bit, and they stumbled into the prison, as you do. Apparently there's a way in through the "tomb" that I don't remember anyone mentioning before. But whatever, logic doesn't count during the Zombpocalypse, so Cutty's crew infiltrated the prison.

Carl hears Cutty's buddies screaming and stomping through the prison and he cocks his gun and prepares to go find them. Spin Doctors looks up from hitting on Beth for a minute to accuse Lo-Rent JLC of being from the island of Lesbos. And Hershel itches his leg stump and says he doesn't think it's a good idea for Carl to go running after screaming voices. Hershel has a point. But Carl is the son of known morons, Rick and Lori, so he rushes off into the bowels of the prison and meets up with Cutty and the Funky Bunch. Unlike Rick, he doesn't immediately kill them. Just like Rick, he does lock them inside a cell. But Cutty is all, "I get it. Don't worry. You seem like a tough kid. If you're in the market for boxing lessons, I'm your guy."

Over in Woodbury, shit is getting real. Rick, Daryl, New T-Dog, and Michonne are outside the compound, ready to invade. And then they do! One second they're standing outside the Woodbury Wall, Jon Snow ready to shoot them dead with his bow and arrow; the next second, they're inside the town and invading some basement and gagging some poor peon of Woodbury society. Apparently there are secret ways in, secret chinks in the security, all over the place. Breaking and entering is not a problem in the Zombocalypse. Or maybe the Wall just needs more crows. Walls always need more crows (Game of Thrones reference, in case you're not down with the lingo).

The zeros break in and Michonne goes off on her own and Rick is all, "Forget her. If she refuses to recognize me as de facto leader of this group, WE DON'T NEED HER!" Rick and folks do some fighting and they find Maggie and Glenn (who made a prison shiv out of a zombie's radius and ulna, motherfruggers!). Then they have to escape Woodbury, so they split up. Rick, Maggie, and Glenn end up back at the truck, safe and sound. Michonne joins them, a little bloody, more on that in a second. New T-Dog gets shot in the commotion. And Daryl is missing! Daryl, everyone's favorite because he's kind of the lame Sawyer of the bunch!

Back to Michonne. She defied Rick's orders to stay with the group because she wanted to find the Governor and kiss his face murder him. So she breaks into the Governor's mansion, easy peasy, and sits waiting for him. But then she goes snooping and finds his zombie aquariums and the little cage where he keeps...what is that? A sweet little girl chained up with her head in a pillow case making distinctively zombie-like gurgling noises? No, she couldn't be a zombie. The Governor, who has a wall of zombie fish tanks, would never lock up a zombie in a cage. But he would DEFINITELY lock up a real living girl in a cage. (This is Michonne's crazy logic here, I'm assuming.) So Michonne breaks the chains and takes off the pillow case and oh shit it's a zombie. Michonne did not see that coming for some reason.

She gets little Penny in a headlock and is about to kill her when the Governor comes in and offers his life in exchange for his undead daughter's. Michonne considers this and then does away with Penny. She and the Governor fight -- Michonne even gets her head bashed into an aquarium. But then Michonne stabs the Governor in the eye with a shard of aquarium glass. Poetic justice.

The Governor is fine, y'all. Don't worry about him. He just gets to wear a badass eye patch from now on. It's character building, like Hershel and his stump. The Governor is so fine that he wants to throw another gladiator fight for the people, this time pitting Merle (who the Governor calls a traitor who brought the enemy terr'ists into Woodbury) against his brother Daryl and his other brother Daryl!

Who will win? (All bets on Daryl. Now that Merle has found his brother, his story has run his course and he's free to die. For real this time. Daryl still has work to do. He still has to bone Lo-Rent JLC.)

Other stuff:

  • They're almost out of formula, which means Judith has ONE MONTH TO LIVE. What do you suppose is on her bucket list?
  • Does anyone else think that we need to see more of scientist Milton? He's my favorite.

What did you think of the first half of the third season mid-season finale? Who will win, Daryl or Merle? Will someone save the both of them? Will it be Rick? It definitely won't be Andrea, right, no matter how good a shot she thinks she is?

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