Why waste your time reading 800 pages of drivel when you can read these books, which will make you hot in all kinds of different ways.
These are the four best books I've read in 2012:
Herself When She's Missing by Sarah Terez Rosenblum: Two women meet at a concert, fall into an obsessive, destructive relationship. Gorgeously written by Chicago author, Rosenblum. (50 Shades common denominator: SEX)
Ready Player One by Ernest Cline: A cyber-punk Willy Wonka story. A great read for anyone who loves the '80s or video games or spending any time at all immersed in social media. Which, I'm sure, is none of you people. (50 Shades common denominator: RICH GUY)
Storm of Swords by George R.R. Martin: Season 2 of the TV show ends THIS SUNDAY. If you're not feeling up to reading the first two books (upon which the first two seasons are based), watch the DVDs and then read this book, which is the best of the series. (But really, you should just go ahead and read the first two books as well. You won't be disappointed.) (50 Shades common denominator: DRAGONS, probably)
The Fault in Our Stars by John Green: Do not let the topic of this book (CANCER. In TEENAGERS) turn you off. It's funny, heartbreaking, and uplifting without being even the least bit sappy. You will not regret reading this book. (Plus, it's set in Indianapolis, so Butler references!) (50 Shades common denominator: Um...colleges are mentioned?)