Game of Thrones Recap - The Old Gods and the New

Game of Thrones Recap - The Old Gods and the New

Now that's an episode.

Too bad John slept through half of it. Good thing I'm here to fill in the blanks for him.

The common theme of this episode was the power that women have over men...in their pants. Let's discuss.

Dany and All the Men in Qarth: Dany wants ships, damnit! She's the Mother of Dragons, jackhole. Never mind that no one cares. Xaro wants to marry Dany for her dragons and her desire to be queen and because, let's face it, she's a foxy young thing and Qarth is filled with old ladies and discipline daddies. And then the other fat old guy from Qarth is not impressed with her because she's a nobody who's never been to the land she's trying to conquer and blah again I'm bored and OMG her people were killed and her dragons were stolen and now she's going to go to the scary temple of dreams and prepare yourself for one long acid trip in the next episode or two. Seriously, Dany's story is so boring, no wonder Jorah went missing this episode.

Osha and Theon: Bran's dream has come true. The sea has come to Winterfell. And it (via the incapable hands of Theon Greyjoy) took the life of Ser Rodrick. Theon forced Bran to pledge allegiance to him by promising that no Winterfell subjects would be hurt. But Theon, being pulled from all sides, had to kill Ser Rodrick to make a point. And the beheading did not go as planned. Osha, a wily wildling woman if ever there was one, stepped up and said she'd stand by Theon. He was skeptical, which was wise, but then she pulled out her hooters and all bets were off. Theon got his Greyjoys off and Osha distracted him long enough to ferret Bran, Rickon, Hodor, and the wolves away from Winterfell.

Ygritte and Jon: Even the most steadfast crow is not immune to the charms of a lady, especially not a saucy red-haired lady from beyond the Wall who likes to snuggle up against a night's watchman's loins during a cold night.

Talysa and Robb: Robb "King in the North" Stark has promised to marry a woman from House Frey, but now he's flirting with cute, foreign leg-amputator Talysa. His mother, Catelyn, shows up just in time to remind him of his betrothal. This is why kings don't generally drag their mothers into war with them. The incessant cock blocking.

Sansa and the Hound: Sansa's story was about how quickly a woman's power can be taken from her. On the way back from shipping Princess Myrcella off to Dorne, the common people Joffrey has been ignoring start a riot. The king and Prince Tommen are whisked off to safety, along with Cersei and Tyrion, but Sansa runs off into a dark corridor and is attacked by a group of men, hell bent on taking her maidenhead. Enter the Hound, who saves the little bird from her attackers and carries her to safety. Tyrion thanks him with a, "Well done, Clegane." But Sandor just says, "I didn't do it for you." Sansdor shipping, I am in you.

Other stuff:

  • Did anyone else think it was really wrong to have Tonks standing there on their TV screen fully nude? You're scarring my post-childhood childhood, HBO.
  • I love what they're doing with Tywin and Arya at Harrenhal. It's really bumping up Tywin's characterization, and he's such an imposing and terrifying, but respectable man. He's more Tyrion than he'd like to admit, and he's the kind of man Cersei tries to be and fails.
  • The scene with Ser Rodrick getting his head hacked and hacked and hacked and then kicked off was awesome. In the book, this happens to some peon of Winterfell and Ser Rodrick doesn't get dead for a few more chapters, but this was much more powerful.
  • I loved Qhorin's speech about how thankless the job of a man of the Night's Watch is. The people south of the Wall may never realize it, but "they’ll be alive because some nameless bastard north of the wall gave his life."
  • Baelish continues to flit around Westeros like it ain't no thing, this time popping up in Harrenhal. He totally recognized Arya, too, but doesn't say anything. He doesn't run into her in the book, so I'm not sure how this will play out or if it will amount to anything at all.
  • The scene with Jon chasing Ygritte, which doesn't happen in the book, was just weird. OK, so he didn't kill her like he was supposed to. In the book, he just let her go. In the show, for some reason, maybe he regretted not killing her, he chases her down mountains and across valleys and who knows where else, separating him from Qhorin Halfhand. It kind of felt forced. Would Jon have really chased her so far?
  • Arya used her second death wish on a guard who was going to tell Tywin about her stealing a note from his chambers.
  • Roose Bolton's bastard is going to try and take back Winterfell from Theon. The sigil of House Bolton is a flayed man. A man with no skin. That's rough business.

What did you think of this episode of Game of Thrones?

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    While I don't agree with the Dany comments (loved her staircase showdown with the Spice King), I'm definitely behind you on the Harrenhal love train. Everything Charles Dance = awesome.

    Also, Tonks nude also scarred me. I literally said it myself! Our take: http://wp.me/p1VQBq-Tt

  • I don't remember the dragons getting stolen. Who has em?

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