The Walking Dead picked up right where we left off in November -- with dead zombies strewn across the ground outside the barn and people staring at Rick slack-jawed after he shot zombie Sophia in the cranium.
Let's see how things are going for each of our main characters.
Low Rent Jamie Lee Curtis: Sad about dead Sophia. Also, her hair has probably grown a fraction of an inch. And she spent the entire episode either catatonic in the RV or catatonic walking through the woods or catatonic having burrs removed from her skin by Shane.
T-Bone: Driving the dead zombie hearse and building the zombie funeral pyre. Also, he stepped on the head of a zombie that was only pretending to be all the way dead.
Carl: Carl wishes he was the one who killed Sophia. Keep an eye on this Carl character. He's a dark one.
Daryl: Daryl got to spend most of the episode watching Low Rent JLC be catatonic in the RV. Then he told Lori off for asking him to do the ridiculous thing she asked him to do. Point Daryl.
Dale: Dale apparently knows so many things we don't know. He somehow knows that Shane killed Otis. I mean he doesn't KNOW, but he suspects. How did he even reach that conclusion? Dale has special powers. Special magical powers.
Shane: Shane feels no remorse for killing all the zombies in the barn, nor should he. Those frakkers had t' go.
Glenn: Glenn spent most of the episode worrying about his girl problems. He also drove into town so he could have a one-on-one birds and the bees talk with resident group father figure Rick.
Andrea: She bashed a zombie's head in with a pickaxe. From now on, Andrea should only be given a pickaxe as a weapon. It's the only weapon she knows how to use. She was kind of all over the place for the rest of the episode: loading up T-Bone's zombie hearse, sitting at the bedside of some girl who fainted, burning up all the dead zombies. Andrea's everywhere you need her to be.
Lori: Lori is now lying wounded in a ditch somewhere. Don't feel bad. She's there because of her own stupidity.
Rick: He's hanging out in a bar with Glenn and the vet. And two dead guys. That he killed.
The Deal: Dr. Vet was not happy about Shane and his buddies shooting up the walkers. Dr. Vet loved the walkers. They were his pets. So Dr. Vet went to his bedroom and started going through his now-dead zombie wife's things. He found her wedding dress and considered putting it on. The whole Norman Bates crazy thing was starting to look pretty enticing to him. But then something dragged him to his underwear drawer. It was in the drawer that he found the flask. And the flask reminded him that HE NEEDED A DRANK. So he did the only logical thing. He took off on his own during the zombpocalypse and headed out to the town's watering hole.
Rick was all, "We need the doctor! I can't let anyone escape from our group even for a short time to grieve! LIVE TOGETHER, DIE ALONE, bitches!"
Lori was all, "Mumble mumble wah wah adult Peanuts character."
And Rick took off for the town with Glenn in tow. For no other reason than for Rick to give Glenn a heart-to-heart about loving a woman when the world is ending.
The wimmins all stayed back at the farm, doing the things that wimmins do -- cooking, cleaning, tossing errant arms back on T-Bone's pickup truck. But then one of the gals fainted. Remember her? Yeah, me neither, but she was the girl whose mother or somebody died and then she went to caress the corpse and then the corpse was still alive and T-Bone tried to crush it with his boot and then Andrea shoved her pickaxe inside the woman's noggin? Remember her? Yeah, that girl fainted. I wonder if MAYBE, somewhere unseen on the girl's body, she has a secret zombie bite. Either way, they needed Dr. Vet and they NEEDED HIM NOW!
They needed him so RIGHT NOW that Lori was all, "Rick left for the town bar five minutes ago and he's not back yet. Someone needs to go into town and nag Rick about hurrying up. Daryl, will you do it?"
Daryl was all, "Fuck no."
So Lori got in a car and headed into town. Because a husband's not going to nag himself.
And then a zombie jumped on the hood of her car and made her swerve upside down into a ditch. Moral of the story: Give your husband more than five minutes to drag the vet home from the bar before heading out to nag him during a zombie apocalypse.
Because, for his part, Rick was doing his job. He was talking calmly to Dr. Vet, who was thisclose to just coming back to the farm and letting all of our Walking Dead zeroes stick around. But then two menacing guys from Philly came in, demanding quarter. Rick played it all cool like, "Hey, man, I don't know. We don't have a lot of room, right? Or food? Maybe you guys should just keep fending for yourselves like you've been doing."
And the Philly guy, who always seemed half a beat from pulling out his piece and emptying it in Glenn, poured himself a drink at the bar and Rick just calmly pulled his own gun from his holster and made the two new guys gooier than a cheesesteak.
What did you think of the episode?