Dovetailing off of this episode's title, I could write about how you, loyal viewer, should maybe "run" from this season. But I won't. Because that's too easy. Besides, the season's coming into shape all of a sudden. Jesus is going to exorcise the witch-ghost from Mrs. Dursley, everyone will go back to normal, Pam's face will be beautiful again, Andy will die of a V overdose, so will Debbie, Sookie will wind up naked with Bill, and we'll, somehow, still be stuck with Tara and Sam.
But I don't want to spoil my season finale recap. Let's get to last night's episode, which was all about teachers' pets.
Roy: Who is "Roy," you ask? Well, he's the wizard who's just jumped to the head of Antonia's Vampire Fuckery 101 class. While Tara and Murlotte's Wiccan were all, "Erm...You really want us to, like, kill the vampires and stuff? That's not what we signed up for, except that it's exactly what we signed up for." But Roy was all to eager to accompany Antonia on her anti-vamp field trip. They put the classroom pet (Eric) on a leash and led him to Nan and Bill's Good Time Happy Friends Tolerance-A-Palooza where Antonia made some more slaves and she ordered them to kill the humans at the event. Because (take notes, Stephenie Meyer) that is how you REALLY kill a vampire, by making them look bad in the public eye.
Debbie-Do Right: Debbie showed up at Sookie's house looking for forgiveness (legitimately, if her innermost thoughts are to be believed). She told Sookles that all she's concerned about is keepin' her man. But then weird things happened. The girls went together to Antonia's coven to pull some kind of bait and switch on the witch, but then Debbie gave up Sookie's location and Sookie was left with Tara (of all people) to save her ass. Sookie, of course, suspected nothing and continued on in the hopes of making her Eric/Bill threeway dream a reality.
Alcide: Alcide wanted nothing to do with Marcus, but since Debbie wants Marcus and Alcide to become close enough friends to depend on each other for airport rides, he showed up at Marcus's biker garage and made nice. And then watched as Marcus and his goons beat up "Sam," who was really Tommy for some reason. Can someone please explain to me what Tommy's motivation here was? Why did he skinwalk as Sam just to get his ass beat by some werewolves? I has a confuse.
Jason: Now that he's no longer a-scurred of becoming a werepanther, Jason has gone back to being Officer Friendly of the Bon Temps Sheriff's Department. He'll do all of your things for you. He'll find your baby! He'll dig up your grave! He'll cover for you when you're hooked on V...again! He'll get your monster ex-girlfriend's stuff out of your house and then he'll bone that ex-girlfriend! Full service law enforcement.
- NAA (Naked Alcide Ass) sighting.
- Sam is a crazy obsessive stalker dude who is moving in too fast on this poor girl and her family after dating her for, what? Three days? Shut up, Sam.
- Lot's of good Nan stuff. For instance, when Nan, who had been sitting in Bill's office for hours listening to Jess cry about Hoyt, said that she always thought she should put her career on hold to become a maker, but a few hours with Jess made her change her mind.
- Also, to Bill: "The cameras better find you in a fucking festive and tolerant mood."
- I totally didn't say much about Lafayette, the baby, the ghost, and the Jesus.
- Andy's reaction to hearing that they needed to bring clothes for a pants-less Hoyt: "It won't take but a minute, and I don't want to see that shit."
- I also didn't say much about threeway dream with Eric and Bill.
- OK, I'll say this: Sookie is such a drag she uses lecturing as foreplay.
- Laffy as Mavis to Andy: "You sound like a white man." Andy to Mavis: "You know damn well I'm a white man."
- Eric's assignment from Antonia: Kill the King. Because, like Michelle Bachman, Antonia also doesn't realize that Elvis is dead.
What did you think of this last episode of True Blood and the season in general. Let me know in the comments!