True Blood Recap - Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's a Fairy

True Blood Recap - Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's a Fairy

Let's give it up for all the caretakers on True Blood, for all the little people who support and nurture the many different kinds of folks who make their homes in Bon Temps.  And believe me, their charges don't make it easy for them.  A big round of applause for...

Sookie: Poor Sookie just can't escape those vampires.  She got rid of Bill, and then Eric goes and buys her house.  She finally thought she had gotten her house back, and Eric show up on the road, witless (and shirtless, I might add).  She tries to dump the poor guy off on Pam, but Pam's concerned that Bill only sent Eric to the witches so they could murder him and she wants Sookie to keep Eric safe for a while.  (Cue sounds of thousands of women and men saying, "I wouldn't mind keeping Eric safe for a my bed.)

And can I just say?  I love the new Eric.  Let me count the ways:

  1. He called Sookie, "Snookie."
  2. He speaks Latin.  Well, he repeats Latin.  He's a Romanesque parrot.
  3. I love how formal his speech patterns have become.  "I am very grateful for this."  "Would you like to be mine?"
  4. Who knew that anyone could make Jason's old basketball shorts and a cut-off T-shirt hot again?
  5. He gets embarrassed like a little school girl when his fangs accidentally pop out in Sookie's presence.
  6. He apologizes when he "accidentally" eats Sookie's fairy godmother.

Bill: Old man Bill had to put on his Cosby sweater to talk to Jess about why she cheated on Hoyt with a random bag of veins and arteries at Fangtasia.  Like a typical teenager, Jess pretended to listen, but ultimately glamored Hoyt into forgetting all about her indiscretions.  Methinks Jess is going to make a habit of glamoring Hoyt from now on.  She's determined to have her blood and drink it, too.

Hoyt's Mom: Maxine has taken little Tommy Turns-Into-Animals under her wing.  Because she needs a new Hoyt with whom she can teach to read while they sit around all day and purchase copious amounts of Marie Osmond dolls.  Tommy shows her the respect that a woman who likes to purchase Marie Osmond dolls deserves, namely he makes plans to bilk her out of thousands of dollars in natural gas revenue.  But in a Very Special True Blood moment, Tommy tries to turn his little scam into family togetherness time by asking Sam to help him purchase Maxine's home for the fair market price of 2,500 Marie Osmond dolls.  Sam declines.

Jason: All Jason has ever wanted to do was help the poor, miserable junkies of Hotshot.  And what does he get for his troubles?  He gets gang raped by a pride of were-pantheresses.  Much like Tara, the less said about this ickiness, the better.  Speaking of...

Jesus and Tara: They each trusted the other one to watch out for Lafayette, to make sure he didn't head over to Fangtasia to apologize to Eric and get locked in the dungeon again.  But alas, he snuck out from under their wings and headed over to Fangtasia where Pam, naturally, locked him up in the dungeon again.  But they saved him.  For 24 hours.  They can have their Laffy back for good if only they can produce Mrs. Dursley and if she can reverse the Latin words/lady face spell on Eric.

Alcide: Well, Alcide was not looking out for us this week when he decided to wear a shirt for the entire episode, but he was looking out for his (recovering) V-head girlfriend.  Sookie wants to put Eric up in a McMansion in Shreveport.  Wonder how Debbie-Do will do when she realizes a real, "live" vampire is sleeping in a cubby a few doors down.

Other notes:

  • For your reference, Sookie smells like wheat and honey and sunshine.
  • The Coven thinks Eric is basically a Nazi who is trying to take away their freedom of religion.  One said, "He did look kind of Aryan."
  • Here's how we got were-panthers: A panther ate the Hotshot folks' Ghost Mama and Ghost Daddy and puked them up.  I learned this from reading Hotshot: A History.
  • I haven't looked at it, but this website was mentioned last night:
  • Bill is a big old tough king who will give you the true death if you look at him sideways.  Or if you get caught drinking from a lady in a dark alley.
  • Bill calls Jessica "vamp pup."  Much like "fetch," King Billium should stop trying to make that happen.
  • Oh, there was something stupid with a possessed baby doll and Arlene's Rene baby.  I don't care, you don't care.  Let's move on.
  • Jason's voicemail: "If this is an emergency, call 911 and ask for me."
  • Andy working his 12 steps: "God, grant me the serenity to -- fuck it."
  • Mexican Viagra: The preferred drug of gang raping were-pantheresses in North America
  • King Billium is now boning Sheriff Andy's sister Portia.  This can't end well.
  • Sookie was reading a Charlaine Harris book in one scene.  Meta times a million.

What did you think?  Are you a new Eric or an old Eric kind of fang banger?

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