I hate American Idol. I think it's official. No. You know what? I don't hate American Idol, because to say I hate it would require me to actually feel enough emotion about the show to muster up the ability to hate it. To hate something requires effort, and I have no effort to give. I am geh about Idol, just like I was (and continue to be) towards Lauren Alaina. I'm pbfft.
This week was...Oh, my gods, it was so boring.
(Warning: This is going to sound really sad, pathetically so) I remember a few seasons ago -- Season 5 -- I would relish every single Idol performance, good or bad. John and I were in the process of moving into our house back then and I would watch the show on a tiny TV in our living room while I pretended to paint or remove wallpaper or whatever and then I'd go back to our apartment and watch the performances over again on my old pal STiVo. Then I'd write about them. Then I'd go back AGAIN and write down every single syllable Paula Abdul uttered. And Randy. And then I'd create a whole subtext to whatever Randy was saying.
I was a dedicated, pitiable blogger.
What's changed? Well, I do have more of a life, I suppose. I have kids. I have a DVR that records FOUR shows instead of just one, so I can't dedicate the same amount of time to Idol that I used to. I'm trying to read more actual books. And talk to actual human people once in a while.
But I loved blogging about Idol in the past. I loved when Randy would say such varied and nuanced ridiculata that I couldn't help but transcribe it verbatim into my Commodore 64. I loved it when the show featured such a great balance of truly inspiring singers and veritable train wrecks. I loved it when the contestants didn't have the watered down personalities of children who had been raised to become reality TV stars. I loved it when the singers took actual chances (see: Lewis, Blake; Cook, David; and Lambert, Adam). I loved it when the Idols were people with great voices who could also tear out the listeners' souls with their emotions (see: Clarkson, Kelly; Yamin, Elliott; and Johns, Michael). I simply loved American Idol.
Last year was blih. This year is even more flegh. And the judges are just sucks of space and time who offer nothing of value to television or humanity.
But enough about all that. Let's talk about the amazing performances we were treated to last night!!1!1!!! (In haiku form!!!)
Things of Note:
- Last night's show was crammed SO FULL of content that the judges were asked to be seated at the start of the program.
- In case you were wondering, the stakes were higher last night. Why? I'll let Randy explain it to you: "Because who is in it to win it???!??!?!" Got it? Good.
- Can someone explain to me how Sheryl Crowe is music royalty again?
- Kelly Preston and Ella Travolta, stars of the new Gotti movie because their husband/father is producing and starring in it or whatever were in the house.
- So was Sir Anthony Hopkins?
- And Grey's Anatomy's Sara Ramirez. But she didn't get a Seacrestian shout out.
Your Performers from Best to Worst:
Your Bottom 3, America: They're not going to do a bottom 3
Who's Going Home? Haley. Because that's how these things go.