American Idol Recap - Songs of Really Bad Cinema (Mostly)

Thumbnail image for J-Lo Loofa

Oh hai, Ms. Lopez? Your loofa is stuck to your dress. Whoops. Even the Most Beautiful Human of All Time (as determined by Mrs. Bowen's Yorksville Elementary School 7th Grade home room) can't be perfect all the time.

So, pretty much, this season of Idol has evolved into a smorgasbord of various musical stylings.  

Sorry.  That sentence almost made it sound like this season is interesting or something when, in fact, it's so not.  Each and every one of the singers is staying in his or her "lane," as they say.  They are staying in their lanes in the most boring ways possible.  They're all going the speed limit and nobody's passing anybody.  No one's even honking their horns, trying to get the attention of the cute guy in the car in the next lane over.
At this point the finale is just going to come down to which genre has more fans.
It's Team Lean-Heavy Old School Country vs. Team Obnoxious Bubble Gum Pop Country vs. Team Klumpian Gospel vs. Team Heavy Metal vs. Team Pretend Jazz Band vs. Team '90s Boy Band vs. Team Chipmunk Folk vs. Team Growly Hand Waving.  
Which song styling will prevail?  Only time will tell.  (I will tell you, in the interest of full disclosure, my iTunes playlist is pretty heavy on the Chipmunk Folk genre.  Can't resist it.)
You know who might have some insight on this whole situation?  Why, Will.i.am, of course!  He freaking showed up at the Idol studios again.  I think he's just living there at this point.  Does he not have a home?  Go to your home, Will.i.am!
Actually, better yet, don't go to your home.  Send the bland plastic sorceress, Steven Tyler, back to your home.  You take her place, Will.i.am.  At least you have something of value to add to the judges' table.  Like a functioning brain and some actual thought.  

What else?  A few notes...

  • J-Lo's publicist must have given up some pretty special favors to People Magazine to have her client named the Most Beautiful Woman in the World.  (I'm so cynical.  These "awards" always reek of "publicist interference" to me.)
  • J-Lo to Pia last week: "I wish there was something we could do."  There was.  But you wasted it on Casey weeks ago.
  • These Idols referenced a lot of really bad, really random movies tonight.  Heavy Metal?  Pure Country?  Really, guys?
  • Last week we got Christian Slater.  This week we get Hank Azaria, Rob Reiner, and Elvira.
Performances from Best to Worst:
Casey Abrams - A- (Points docked for voice)
James Durbin - A- (Points docked for not picking a Tenacious D song)
Stefano Langone - A-
Haley Reinhart - A- 
Paul McDonald - B
Lauren Alaina - B-
Jacob Lusk - C-
Scotty McCreery - F (for effort)
That's a lot of A-minuses.  I think I'm grading on a curve at this point.  I would never place any of those performances in the pantheon of great Idol performances.
Your Bottom 3, America: Jacob, Stefano, Paul
Hearing the David Cooksian Death March Tomorrow Night: Jacob
What did you think of "Terrible Movie Night" on American Idol?  Are you bored of these jokers yet?  Is there anyone left in the competition you would ever remotely consider paying to hear in concert?
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Comments

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  • Paul was the only decent song choice IMO, the others were like WTF? Casey's pick was ballsy... can't stand Haley... Durbin is solid, and agree on Lusk, needs to do something not gospelly FOR ONCE... DJ Tanners song sucked, she should have sang that song from Con Air, CA is bad ass

  • In reply to kyletrompeter:

    As a movie fan and a human, I was appalled by nearly all of these song choices. Why even have "Movie Week" if you're going to let the kids choose songs that barely qualify?

    I had a very bad personal experience with "How Do I Live Without You" from Con Air, so I don't know if I can condone the singing of it on Idol.

  • In reply to Magistra:

    totally agree... soo many good options out there to choose from and these idiots pick complete garbage songs... i was super pumped for this episode and it was an epic disappointment

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