9 Questions About the American Idol Results Show

Casey Abrams - "I Heard It Through the Grapevine" by Marvin Gaye

1. I have a lot of questions; so let's get going, shall we?

I'm limiting your questions tonight.  The tipoff for the Butler game is in about 40 minutes.
2. I was just kidding.  I have no questions.
3. OK, one.  Why was Lauren Alaina wearing cowboy boots with her perfectly adorable, if inappropriately boob-a-licious cocktail dress?
I don't know.  Because she's...ridiculous?
4. Also, why in the Hades did Idol invite Sugarland, a known crap country "band," to perform during Motown Week?
Why does Idol do anything?  Because Idol has no idea what it's doing.
5. And were those black adult diapers the lead singer of known crap country "band" Sugarland was sporting?
As far as I could tell.
6. I suppose some other things happened during the show?
I suppose.  Here's the rundown: Group sing, surprise Stevie Wonder appearance, Ford commercial, results, Sugarland, Idol mansion footage, results, surprise Hulk Hogan appearance, Jennifer Hudson (whom Seacrest called an Idol "winner"), results, results, results, end.
7. Would you like to elaborate on those "results?"
The bottom three contained, shockingly, Thia, Stefano, and Casey.  Thia was the first one sent to safety.  And then Stefano.  America hated Seth Rogen the most last night.  It happens.
8. But the judges' save was still in play!  What about the judges' save?!?
I was getting to that.  Casey started warbling some song about something, and then Randy was all like, "Dude, shut up.  You know we're not going to kick you off tonight.  Duh."  And then Casey threw a literal spazz.  If he manages to win this whole competition, I don't think he will be able to muster up the same amount of enthusiasm and surprise.  
9. But the Top 10!  Oh my god!  The Top 10!  What are they going to do about the Top 10?!?!???! 
They're going to make it a Top 11.  You need to find something else to care about in your life.  Something like Justin Bieber.  
Go Dawgs!

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