1. Who is Don Draper?
Don Draper is a good old Midwestern boy who was taught never to talk about himself. So shut the frak up, peg leg.
2. No, but really. Who is Don Draper?
Well, as far as I can tell, Don Draper is the creative head of the brand spanking fancy revamped Sterling Cooper ad agency. He's recently divorced and he's looking to party. With hookers. On Thanksgiving.
3. Whatever. [Leans forward, chin in hand] Tell me more about this new Sterling Cooper.
The new office offers all the new gadgetry of the mid-1960s. Except a conference table. They don't have a conference table. At one point they used a coffee table in place of a conference table. Methinks this might turn into an on-going gag this season. I don't know how I feel about Mad Men having on-going gags like it's Everybody Loves Raymond or something.
4. What about Joan?
Joanie is back where she belongs, running the show behind the show. Only this time, she has her own office!
5. Go, Joan!
6. I guess we should catch up with everybody else. How are Peggy and Pete and et cetera?
Peggy's still making waves and pushing buttons. She and Pete staged a publicity stunt for a ham company to help boost sales. Don admonished her for thinking outside the box. And for being so classless so as to stage a "stunt." Pete's as sycophantic as ever. And Harry has a sunburn because he's in L.A. all the time, rubbing elbows with TV bigwigs. Lane and Cooper seem crotchety.
7. What about Roger?
Roger is writing a book or something. And he's still living the domestic dream with Jane, who wants nothing more than to guide Don toward the household bliss she has established with Roger. Meaning she's trying to set Don up.
8. Did she?
Of course she did. With some Betty-looking opera extra who rarely dates divorced men and who likes to play hard to get. And who's probably about 21-years-old. Come on, Jane. Don needs a woman, not a girl.
9. Speaking of Betty, how are she and Henry doing?
Oh, they're having just a grand old time of it. You know, shoving sweet potatoes in Sally's mouth, ripping phone jacks out of the wall, coming home late to relieve Don of his parenting duties, having the odd quickie in the car in the garage.
10. Did you totally think Betty and Henry had died from carbon monoxide poisoning before they showed up late at the house?
I totally did. And I kind of wish they had.
11. So, let's pretend that Don Draper is my divorced father. What does my weekend with Daddy look like?
Imagine sitting in front of a TV for hours while your father works away at a desk behind you.
12. Sounds great. But, like, what's Don's problem right now?
He's got some issues, doesn't he? He came across like the picture of Dorian Gray in his Advertising Age interview. He's mean to his housekeeper, who is only trying to do her job. He likes to be slapped around by hookers. And he lost his cool with the heads of the Jantzen company, who were just trying to peddle their two-piece bathing suits like the nuns' habits they are.
13. Any other problems for Sterling Cooper?
Jai alai is gone. They lost it, despite all of Harry's TV networking. I think this may be an opening to bring back Ken Cosgrove, but we'll see. Plus, they need to get one of those conference table thingies.
14. What's happening next week?
Who can tell? The promos for Mad Men are always just quick cuts of non sequitur lines. It's like they just stuck a script of the show up on a wall and threw darts to see which lines would be featured in the promo for the next week's episode.
15. Hey. Who is Don Draper?
Don Draper is the badass mofo who stood up to the British and started his own company. Don Draper is frakking Thomas Jefferson, yo.
What did you think of this week's Mad Men
episode? Where are things headed? Will Sally finally kill her mother? Come chat in the comments and over at Twitter (@ExMagistra