New Wifey Chronicles ! All stories are true. No names are changed to protect anyone!

Wifey Chronicles

People often stop me and ask why I haven’t been writing about Wifey lately. I’ve been saving up these gems for publication when I have enough for you to enjoy.

A normal person would wonder why someone has placed a Chamomile Tea Bag on the corner of our bathtub. Not me! It’s just another day in the process of enjoying life with Wifey.

The other day I was lamenting on how my beloved White Sox actually suck this year. “Can’t anybody catch the damn ball?” When Wifey asked why I was so upset. I told her the shortstop had committed 13 errors already this season after committing only 12 all last year. She said, “That’s dumb! You should call them dumbs, not errors”. Need I say more?

It’s always interesting how women are so different from men. Men really do not care how old they are. We are just happy to be hear another day. Not so women. Latest example. Wifey actually falsified her ago on Facebook! I get regular mailings from Facebook telling me the upcoming birthdays of my friends. So I was shocked, OK not really shocked when I received one telling me about Wifey’s coming birthday. It appears she is actually FOUR years younger than it says on her driver’s license. That’s right, she fibbed about four years when she first went on Facebook years ago. Even her children are confused….”how old is Mom?” Damn if I’m going to tell them.

And now for the biggest mystery in our nearly ten years of marriage. Wifey always has returns. Shoes back to DSW, tops to Lord & Taylor, underwear to Kohl’s. Her car always has a return or two in the back seat. The thing is, she rarely purchases anything… just returns things.

How is this possible?

I do not understand the process although I’m certain there must be one. I know for a fact that Wifey would never steal anything…. she’s just too honest. Yet day after day, week after week she’s off to do returns. Can someone please explain this to me?

Finally, we’ve all heard the saying “Jews say ‘goodbye’ and never leave” while non-Jews leave and never say goodbye”. To the former I can certainly attest. When Wifey says it’s time to leave, I know that I’ve got another 20 minutes to do something since it’s difficult for her to depart, especially a large social function. Somehow I do not feel alone in this situation. Anyone care to share similar thoughts?

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