I chose family in 2015
In 2015, I had to make a choice about how to work my job, if I wanted to work somewhere for the summer, if I wanted to move, if I wanted to re-join Weight Watchers, if we should test to see if our daughter had out grown her heart condition, and many other. Out of the million different choices I had to make, I chose family.
I was dealing with insecurities and doubt in the beginning of the year because I wasn't being honest with my boyfriend nor was he being honest with me. We were fighting often about small things and big things.
I also believe I was suffering from postpartum depression. I cried often and yelled at everyone. My mental health issues were spilling into my job performance too. I wanted to chose family but I felt they would be better off without me in it. That was the depression speaking.
My boyfriend and I decided to give our relationship a break until we sorted through some things. I remember hating everything about him and wishing nothing but ill will towards him. I would vent to friends about what was going on. I lost a lot of friends because I told them too much.
I needed to find myself and discover what I really wanted in life again. We had this beautiful daughter that was a true blessing. If I hadn't lost the 100 lbs, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant. That was the common tie that brought us together.
During our separation, I worked on getting back to things I enjoyed that I didn't get a chance to do. That was scrap booking and writing down my thoughts. A friend of mine told me about an app called Happified. This app helped with positive thought process I so needed during that dark time.
After a 3 month separation, I chose family because we started to work on the things that bothered each other and being honest. I stopped being insecure about our relationship. He improved with communication. I did have some valid things to be insecure about but I decided to take a leap of faith and trust.
When your angry and hate, you lose sight of what is really important. My own self-happiness is important. I found inner happiness and that spilled out around me. Things started to work in my favor. I'm happy that I chose family.
We are far from being perfect and have a lot to learn from each other. I overcame my hate by seeing the things we do for each other and how our kids benefit from it. We overcame adversity in our pasts and this was a bump in the road.
I also don't expect him to make me happy because I can find happiness in myself. He enhances my happiness and us together as a family builds each other up. I deserve to be happy and happiness can find me when I allow positive thoughts to flood my mind.
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Filed under: mental health