Many of you may be aware that I'm bald. Yes, it's true. If you don't believe me take a look at this melon...
What you might not know is that you can be bald and still be a good, moral person who women will want to sleep with up to one time per month. And if you don't believe me let me relay a conversation my wife recently had with a good friend of hers.
Wife's good friend: You still sleep with Jimmy?
My wife: Up to one time per month.
So as you can clearly see, the ladies love the bald men. But that's only No. 7 on my list. Here now, from the home office in Mt. Baldy, CA, the Top 10 reasons you should shave your head to be bald like me.
10. You get to be just a little more like me than on a typical day when you don't shower.
9. People will mistake you for Stanley Tucci.
8. Nobody will mistake you for Yanni.
7. You can sleep with my wife up to one time per month.
6. Instead of cigars, you will get to keep your toupees in your walk-in humidor.
5. You get to say cool things like, "It's because my mom's dad was bald."
4. You will save a fortune in haircuts, shampoo and mirrors.
3. If you're like me, you will have had the honor to work with Sheila "Mary Tyler Mom" Quirke last September as she brilliantly and heroically told the story of how her daughter Donna lived and died. Donna's Cancer Story was one of the bravest things I've ever seen and you need to go read it right now.
2. If you're like me and many of us on ChicagoNow and elsewhere, you will be helping to spread the word about Donna's Good Things, a foundation set up not just to raise money to help Conquer Kids' Cancer but to provide, as Sheila puts it, "joy, opportunity and hope."
1. To become bald like me sign up as a shavee at a St. Baldrick's Event near you. (Once you find an event, click on the blue box that says ‘participate at this event’. If you want to join the Donna’s Good Things team, when prompted say you want to join an existing team, and filter for “Donna” at other events). And if you would like to donate directly to the Donna's Good Things team please go here and give what you can, even if it's just your hair.
Donna Quirke Hornik lives on in the hearts and minds of those who knew her, and those who never had that privilege but grew to love her through Donna's Cancer Story. Sheila often says, "This is how I parent Donna now." It never fails to give me the chills when I think about those words, they are just so beautiful and life-affirming.
This video makes me smile. I think of it as "Donna's Good Sings."
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