Can Your Teenager Have Sex In Your Home?

In a recent Huffington Post article, Debra Ollivier wrote about parents' opinions regarding allowing teenagers to have sex at home.  To my surprise, there were parents who actually support the idea!  Here is an excerpt from the article that made my eyes bulge and my hair stand up.

Those "open-minded people" make up the second camp of parents out there who prefer that their teens have sex in the home because it's a less risky and more natural way to develop a healthy sense of sexuality. My friend, who has three teen daughters, summed up the views expressed by that camp: "After I've ascertained that my daughter is in a relationship that's based on love and trust, and that it's not about a booty call, then I'm okay with it. In fact, I want her sexual experience to be positive, pleasurable, even fantastic. Teens are entitled to have sex and sexual pleasure, and there's no better place than home, which is clean and safe. I don't want to interfere. But of course, if my daughter has a rotating band of boyfriends, on the other hand, then no. There's no way I'm going to let her have sex at home."

A parent said that she wanted her daughter to have a positive, pleasurable and even fantastic experience!  Take a moment and reflect on your most pleasurable, fantastic sexual experience.  Now, think about your teenage daughter having that same experience in your home.  Do you feel ill?  I sure do.

So if you were crazy enough to buy into this nonsense, how would it work?  Would you sit the lovely couple down in your living room and talk to them about birth control?  How about asking them, what type of sex they would like to engage in.  Do you share your personal experiences with the lovely couple?  Lets say that you are into oral, anal, S &M and things on the freak scale from 0 to 100.  You want your child to have a fantastic experience right?  Why not teach the young man how to properly pleasure your daughter.   Sex is a shared experience, so you must teach your daughter how to pleasure her boyfriend.  Don't be shy about showing the lovely couple a little porn to help with various techniques.  Do you consult with the other teen's parents?  What do you say to the lovely couple if the other parents don't agree that the teens should be having sex?

Using the notion that teens will have sex anyway, to rationalize the support for letting them have sex at home is ridiculous.  There are millions of teens who refrain from having sex everyday.  They refrain even though they want to have sex.  Its comes down to self control and the will to resist peer pressure.  Too many parents allow their teens to do and say whatever they want.  They don't teach their teens that there is an appropriate time and place for things.   They just give in to their teen's impulsive behavior.  Just because you think that your teen is determined to so something, doesn't mean that you give in and allow it to happen.  Part of parenting is providing guidance.

If you are considering allowing your teen to have sex in your home, make sure you check your state's laws regarding the age for statutory rape.  Some states dictate that someone of a certain age cannot legally consent to having sex.  Do you see why this is a bad idea?


poll by twiigs.com

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  • I completely agree with you. Parents should teach their children about their bodies, birth control, making the right decisions, but allowing him or her to go on up stairs and get it on while you're enjoying a sandwich in the kitchen is going too far. Do these parents also have a jar of condoms by the door?

  • In reply to Chicago Quirk:

    I agree I have a 13-year-old and I can't think of a creepier notion.

  • In reply to Chicago Quirk:

    Tracy needs her head examined. She writes a story based on emotions, not on facts. No mention of what age we are talking about. Do I provide condoms for my high school age child, for same age encounters where they don't have to do to an abandon structure or vehicle? Absolutely. Would I allow my kid (or when they were jounior high aged - or partners in college or older) an orgy with a college age or older person as Tracy implies? No way - and I have reported others on the later to police.

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    Dear Tracy, YOU also need some sex. Why so much frustration?
    "Using the notion that teens will have sex anyway, to rationalize the support for letting them have sex at home is ridiculous" YOU ARE RIDICULOUS FOR SAYING THAT.

  • Please don't shout at Tracy, she's the type that thinks that just because she waited for her wedding night to have sex, her husband will never "cheat" on her when he has his mid-life crisis.

  • In reply to PilotDave:

    PilotDave,
    I don't have a problem with people who disagree with me. However, I do have a problem with people who make personal attacks on my blog! Please share your thoughts in a respectful manner and don't make it personal.

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    When I saw the title, my first thought was "well, they'll probably try ...". And of course it is important to make sure they are on top of all the health implications, including pregnancy and stds. But, no. No they can't. Especially while they are minors. And we're making sure they know it.

  • Nice extremely biased piece of writing. How about you provide some facts or citations backing up your argument instead of just forcing your parenting views on to people.

    "There are millions of teens who refrain from having sex everyday."

    The average age of first sexual intercourse is 17. Teens are going to be having sex whether you like it or not. (Florsheim. 2003. Adolescent romantic relations and sexual behavior: theory, research, and practical implications)

    I understand that you were brought up to think that way and that your traditional, conservative view of teen sexuality is deeply engrained, but be a little open minded to the idea, do some research, and go bashing parents that do allow it.

    Just a suggestion :)

  • In reply to Reginald Nievera:

    *don't go bashing parents that do allow it ^

  • In reply to Reginald Nievera:

    mr. rivera, have you researched the age of consent in illinois? just a suggestion. :)

  • In reply to Reginald Nievera:

    "Forced?" Unless there is someone with you threatening your very existence, nobody is forcing you to do anything. If you are being threatened, you shouldn't be giving an opinion on this subject; you should be requesting someone to call the police.

  • In reply to Reginald Nievera:

    So obviously someone holds a gun to these teens heads and forces them to have sex? GMAFB. It's this kind of lax view of the world that our society is going down the tubes. How about a little personal responsibility, is that asking too much? Apparently for slackers and piss poor parents, the answer is yes. There is no way teens should be having sex period...unless they are ready to be parents themselves. But that's not the lib way is it? A person shouldn't be burdend with pregnacy, so there's a free abortion to fix it....I could go on and on, but it would be wasted on folks who apparently just want to do what feels good, rather than what is right.
    Just do me a favor, leave my freakin tax dollars alone when it comes time to pay for these sexually deviant kids....uh, kids.

  • This is an absurd article. What makes it absurd to me is the frantic leaps that are made.

    "Would you sit the lovely couple down in your living room and talk to them about birth control? How about asking them, what type of sex they would like to engage in. Do you share your personal experiences with the lovely couple? Lets say that you are into oral, anal, S &M and things on the freak scale from 0 to 100. You want your child to have a fantastic experience right? Why not teach the young man how to properly pleasure your daughter. Sex is a shared experience, so you must teach your daughter how to pleasure her boyfriend. Don't be shy about showing the lovely couple a little porn to help with various techniques. Do you consult with the other teen's parents? What do you say to the lovely couple if the other parents don't agree that the teens should be having sex?"

    BREATHE FOR A SECOND.

    It's this kind of frenetic, overwrought and fear-based energy that really screws kids up, especially from a sexual perspective.

    First off, welcome to the 21st century. Young people have sex. Deal with it.

    Secondly, the leaps you make in the paragraph above are IRRELEVANT.

    Lastly, if (and I'll give you the "if") young people are having sex, WHERE WOULD YOU PREFER THEY DO IT? In a car? Outside? At a party? Somehow, I think these are worse and more potentially harmful options than the safety of ones own home.

    Why are we so afraid of sex? It's healthy. It's cathartic. It is the physical act of love. Yes, of course there are dangers. And of course parents should help educate their kids about said dangers - the "sex talk" is not exactly a recently developed enterprise. Kids who have parents who DON'T engage with their kids about the truths of sex, opting instead for an abstinence-approach rooted in fear-feeding, often end up with the kids who are sleeping around, making unsafe choices, having sex in random places with random people - and the parents have no one to blame but themselves! Take a little initiative and responsibility.

    I'll just say it: I want my kid to have sex. I want them to do it responsibly, when they are ready, and with someone they have deep feelings about and who has deep feelings about them. I want them to use protection, to understand the risks. But I want them to be healthy. Sex is NATURAL. It's human. If it wasn't, it wouldn't feel so damn good.

  • One more thing:

    "Now, think about your teenage daughter having that same experience in your home."

    I'm going to go ahead and assume something:

    IT'S THEIR HOME TOO.

    Again. Worse places it could be happening.

  • In reply to js1414:

    "A parent said that she wanted her daughter to have a positive, pleasurable and even fantastic experience!"

    How does one end up turning the above quote into a negative?

  • In reply to js1414:

    Because it's a parent saying it in reference to their child and it's just creepy!

  • In reply to chicagobanker1:

    So you want your child to NOT have a positive, pleasurable, and even fantastic experience?

  • In reply to js1414:

    I do want my child to have a positive responsible experience. I want them to have this experience when they are an adult and not within my care. I am not my child's friend I am a parent first and I cannot think of a creepier thought than trying to guide/advise my child or concerning myself with if he is having a "positive, pleasurable, and even FANTASTIC experience". And to restate one of my points, unless you have a magic ball you cannot determine if your child is going to make bad decisions, like sneaking off and sleeping with some stranger in an alley!

  • In reply to js1414:

    You said it yourself in that sentence - your CHILD. Children should not be having sex. There are many emotional and physical consequences associated with having sex, and the teen brain is simply not mature enough to sort them all out. Not to mention that generally, once you've had sex with a person, you're much more likely to have sex in the next serious relationship so you're just increasing the odds of having many sexual partners which significantly increases the odds of contracting STDs. And I am not a prude who never has sex - I had sex as a young teen, and the emotional consequences haunted me for years.

  • In reply to sklanders:

    I think people want children to grow up too soon. Their brains and bodies are still developing. They are not adults and should not be treated as adults.

  • In reply to js1414:

    That would be true if you were talking about your roommate. But as a parent you should be setting an example of making good decisions and establishing a safe responsible environment. I mean you argument for allowing your child to have sex inside the home holds as much water as the parents that allow their children to consume alcohol and drugs in their home, you know “well they are going to do it anyway so if they do these things here then it will be safe! “ Just an FYI the argument is pure BS, no one has a crystal ball and can determine what your child is going to do, as a parent you are the one that is wholly responsible with providing your child with guidance in becoming responsible adults, no one is saying that a child won’t make bad decisions but it is also not within the scope of the parents rights to encourage and support and providing the means of making these bad decisions.

  • In reply to chicagobanker1:

    No, its true in talking about my child as well.

    Here's the big flaw in your argument:

    DRUGS and ALCOHOL for MINORS (and with drugs for ANYONE, and sometimes with alcohol too) = BAD

    SEX for teenagers whose parents have EDUCATED them and who are in it for the RIGHT REASONS = GOOD

    It is not as black and white as you or the author of this article are making it.

    Sex is not necessarily a bad decision. Sex before marriage is not necessarily a bad decision. Uneducated and uninformed sex at any point most likely IS a bad decision.

    We actually agree on one single point: "as a parent you are the one that is wholly responsible with providing your child with guidance in becoming responsible adults". THAT'S MY ENTIRE POINT.

  • In reply to js1414:

    I agree completely in educating ones child as it relates to sex. However you assume that you are providing "a safe and responsible environment - IN OUR HOME" but have you taken into consideration the other person that your child is bringing into your home? Have you considered that their parents may not/probably don't share your views and your actually just providing the venue for them to "sneak away" to?

  • In reply to chicagobanker1:

    In educating my child about the risks and dangers of sex, and saying, "if you and your boyfriend/girlfriend are having sex, I'd appreciate if you kept it indoors, at one of your homes", I AM establishing a safe and responsible environment - IN OUR HOME. As opposed to somewhere where they have to hide, be it any of the places I listed above or any number of others.

  • In reply to js1414:

    You used the term "child" which means a minor under the age of 18. People should have sex when they are old enough and mature enough to deal with all possible ramifications from having sex.

  • In reply to Tracy A. Stanciel:

    This is saying that someone 16 years old isn't. And this is probably true in some cases. Not in all.

    I'll be honest, the age at which young people are starting to have sex DOES bother me. My friend's brother and his girlfriend started having sex at 12 years old. In my opinion - READ: OPINION - that is FAR FAR FAR too young to, as you rightly state, understand and deal with all possible ramifications of having sex. There is a problem there.

    Personally, I would try to educate and encourage my child to wait until until they are AT LEAST 16 or 17, if not 18 (much more preferable). And if I thought they were considering (or actually having) sex younger than that, I would surely find a way to have a serious, firm yet productive conversation with my child and develop some boundaries for his/her well-being. But this is a very different approach than (as I read it) is presented in the above arguments, which I feel only encourage rebellion and unsafe decisions.

    This is no judgment on those who choose to wait until a certain age. I did. I waited until 18. It can work both ways, as long as, as chicagobanker states quite well, you do your job as a parent to "[provide] your child with guidance in becoming responsible adults."

  • In reply to js1414:

    That's a stupid assumption. It's not their home. It's where their parents let them live to be raised and nurtured until they can get their own home.

  • In reply to mattvegas:

    You are correct the home belongs to the people that pay the mortgage. The children who live there don't have the same rights and entitlements. I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of my teen telling me that she can have sex in my house because it's her house too!

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    In reply to Tracy A. Stanciel:

    What about those teens who pay board? Sure its their parents house, but they're paying for a room there. Should they not be able to have sex in that room?

  • It seems like the larger issue at discussion as become "Can your teenager have sex?" rather than "Can your teenager have sex in your home?"

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    You can let them have sex at home or you can try to prevent them from having sex elsewhere. Remember back when you were their age and what you would have done.

  • In reply to Kevin J:

    Well stated.

  • You have issues with your own sexuality and should probably get some professional help...........................soon.

  • I can't believe nobody else is outraged by the comment that "Teens are entitled to have sex and sexual pleasure..." WHAT?!?! Is there a crazier notion? Teens are entitled to meals, water, clothing, shelter, and love from their parents. EVERYTHING else in their lives is a privilege and allowing them to think otherwise is raising a generation of spoiled, entitled people who will have difficulty adjusting to life as adults and won't know how to handle not getting what they want the minute they want it. The notion of delayed gratification is conspicuously missing from our society.

  • In reply to sklanders:

    What kind of idiot are you???

  • In reply to themadtrader:

    In regards to SKLANDERS they are not an idiot. What she said is exactly right and reflective of a responsible parent.

  • In reply to chicagobanker1:

    Thank you for being rational and mature. It's ok to disagree but it not ok to engage in name calling.

  • In reply to themadtrader:

    Lets keep the name calling off of this blog. It's ok to disagree without being rude. I welcome all opinions and comments both good and bad but let's be respectful.

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    The day will come when most people will allow it - and that will be a good thing. Why STOP them? Just feeds into some old ideas about exploitation...

  • interesting...anybody know what the age of consent is in illinois and the statutes surrounding it? sure, let them have a good, pleasurable and illegal experience, why don't you? make sure you provide the cigarettes, booze and weed to round out the atmosphere.

    "they're going to do it anyway" is a cop out. we live in a society that is in a serious state of disrepair because people make poor choices, or don't even make a conscious choice, they just act regardless of the possible consequences. as a parent, your responsibility is to raise your children to think and act responsibly, which sometimes includes saying no to things, and one of them should be having sex before they're ready to deal with the possible outcomes.

    as a teen, i was surrounded by not only sex but drugs (use and sale/distribution), gangs, criminal activity. there were a whole lot of things i could have gotten into because "everybody else is doing it", and i'm thankful that the few things i did get into didn't result in addiction, jail, death or other circumstances that would have caused my life to have taken a much less positive path. some friends of mine weren't that fortunate and a few aren't here today because of the decisions they made. it's not just sex, people, it's decisions that can affect the rest of their lives and the lives of other people, and in the case of sex, possibly a child.

    reading some of the responses to this article reinforces to me the fact that not only isn't common sense common anymore, it's an endangered species.

  • In reply to misterchi:

    This is a very intelligent response, and I am genuinely happy to hear about how you overcame the pressures of your surroundings to make the smart, healthy choices.

    I don't think "they're going to do it anyway" is much of a cop-out when it comes to sex. It's more of a fact. If you look at the studies, the schools with the strictest rules against things - Catholic schools, Yeshivas, etc - statistically have the highest rates of sex, drugs, alcohol use among the students there. And on top of that, I am keeping this discussion, from my POV, based only on sex, a human, natural act. If we want to have a discussion about the "they're going to do it anyway" argument with regard to drugs and alcohol, putting outside substances into your body, let's have another blog-post to hash it out - you'll find I'm with you much more on those points. I look at sex as its own issue.

    Now this is not to say that certain things for youth shouldn't be "outlawed", in schools, in home, etc. Drugs, drinking, sure. But there needs to be another element in there: education. The true cop-out in these scenarios is parents/teachers saying "NO" and then providing no real support, education, information. The idea of NO, NOT UNTIL YOU'RE OUT FROM UNDER MY ROOF is the real BS to me - you are then sending out your child into a presumed "maturity" stage of their life without any actual information or support for them to use in making smart decisions. Thank GOD my parents and my school system educated me in a real, substantive way about sex at 14/15, and kept it always a topic for discussion all the way through to when I went to college. I then was able to enter that stage of my life in an informed way, and I was fortunate enough to have the tools I needed to make smart decisions. Many parents just say NO and leave it at that. It's like they are scared of sex, or scared of having that discussion with their children. That's the cop-out.

    chicagobanker is right - unless you have a crystal ball, you can never know for sure. All you can do is try to guide them to smart decisions. With education, information, they can actually (at least begin to) UNDERSTAND the ramifications, the "decisions that can affect the rest of their lives and the lives of other people", instead of going in blind.

  • In reply to js1414:

    This was one of the most moving, intelligent articles I've ever read on the subject: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/20/magazine/teaching-good-sex.html?pagewanted=all

  • In reply to js1414:

    I read the article and I really liked it. I think that it is a great idea to inform, really inform teens about sex. I wish that more schools could have a class similar to this one. However, I still would not allow my teen to have sex in my home. I will continue to educate them about sex and encourage them to wait until they are older and mature enough to handle sex.

  • In reply to js1414:

    "It's a natural, human act."
    So are urinating and defecating. I have a feeling you would limit where they do that.

  • In reply to mattvegas:

    Yes. I would limit those acts to the "bathroom".

  • In reply to js1414:

    I agree with you completely about education. I think that it is irresponsible to just tell your kids not to have sex. Parents should be very open about sex with their children.

  • In reply to misterchi:

    You are like a breath of fresh air. Where did common sense go? I find it interesting that non of the people that disagrees with me has commented on the fact that allowing your teen to have sex could be an illegal act.

  • In reply to misterchi:

    You're one of those making the bad decisions.

  • let me add an important post script to my comment. i'm not advocating that parents and teachers just say no, that never would have worked for me either. definitely, we should educate children in order to prepare them to make the right choices, and part of that is to explain to them why certain behavior is (un)acceptable, and the potential outcomes. staying in school, for example. but make no mistake, as a parent to a minor child, the expectation should be set that there are things that the child should not do. when i was growing up they were called ground rules and i obeyed them (for the most part), whether i agreed with them or not. that's part of being a child. part of being a parent isn't letting what other people, especially children, are doing stop you from teaching your child the simple notion of right vs. wrong.

    no, my parents didn't have a crystal ball, although sometimes it seemed like they did. funny thing is, after a while my choices started to become pretty similar to the ground rules i was given and i became my own crystal ball, so to speak.

    before i get off my soapbox i have to say this. parenting and the raising of kids should never be something that is dictated by statistics. if statistics said that 100% of kids were having sex before the age of 18 then 100% of those kids would be wrong. being african-american, there are a whole host of statistics that say that by the age of 18 children in my community will have had at least one child, probably will have been arrested and may have spent time in jail, and might not live to see the age of 18 at all. those statistics should be impetus to counteract those trends rather than an excuse to hold up a white flag. kids in general have a lot on their plate these days, much more than i did when i was growing up. many of them are growing up in single parent households and quite a few are practically raising themselves. we as adults, role models, parents, advisers, whatever are failing them and the statistics aren't the justification for how we raise our kids, they're the indictment.

  • It's true that kids will have sex anyway, but his author is an enabler. Sex is a learned art, and our first experiences are with ourselves, and it progresses from there. To think that her teens will have the same level of sexual pleasure as she has as an adult is ridiculous, no matter how she enables them.

  • Can't argue with facts, but I know you'll try.

    http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=419&Itemid=177

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    I wouldn't have dared have sex as a teen at my parents' (my) home. Hell, as an adult I still can't bring myself to ever get it on with my boyfriend when visiting the 'rents. *shudder*

  • In reply to Amanda Muller:

    I agree with you. It's all about how you were raised. I view it as a sign of respect. I am very open with my children about sex. My daughter said that it would feel creepy to have sex at home with her parent's permission.

  • In reply to Amanda Muller:

    Haha! Totally. The first time I ever brought a guy home, I was 27 and engaged and even then we slept like boards.

  • In California it is "unlawful" for anyone under the age of 18 to engage in sex. UNLAWFUL!! It is a misdemeanor! If one of the couple is under 18 and there is a three year old difference either way, it's a felony!! That's why you should second-think this...

  • In reply to JeffHall:

    Jeff,
    Thanks for your post. I am truly shocked that none of the people who are bashing me have addressed the issue I raised about the act being illegal. I guess they don't care that they could be allowing an illegal act in their home.

  • In reply to JeffHall:

    That is a stupid law.

    Teenagers are going to have sex anyway. Unlike drinking or drugs, sex is a fundamental part of the human experience and you can't stop it anyway. It's why abstinence programs don't work.

  • Jenna,
    I agree that some state laws are kinda goofy, but we must abide by them. There was a case where a young man received a BJ from a school mate and he was arrested and imprisoned because the law stated that a 15 year old could not legally consent to sex. It's crazy but it's the law.

  • In reply to Tracy A. Stanciel:

    And how would you feel if your 15-year-old son was arrested and imprisoned and consequently had his education derailed over a BJ?

  • Obviously, I would be devastated! It's important to educate your child about the responsibility and possible consequences that come with having sex. If both parties are adults then there are no legal issues. At the age of 18 you are capable of getting a full-time job to support a child if a pregnancy results from the sex.

  • Yes, but not with other family members.

  • I haven't heard one comment about children being intelectually children as teenagers. They are learning but they are not able to understand the emotional consequences of being so intimate with another human being. They are not mentally able to comprehend how this activity will affect them now, later on in life, and come to terms with it. They may be physically mature enough to engage in sexual activity but it's the mental aspect that they are not ready to understand fully. They need guidance in this matter, not the physical one. As teenagers they are in fact still children despite how they talk or act or dress. I have a problem with letting them conduct themselves in this way knowing that they cannot understand the emotional and intellectual ramifications of their behavior. I send them out into the world to do plent of other things and keep them focused on what's important for them at this time in their lives. If it happens outside of home, well, I can't control that but with all the lessons I've been teaching them throughout their lives, I can hope that they make good decisions and realize the importance of abstinence until they are absolutely ready for the consequences of their actions.

  • In reply to amyjorob:

    I agree with you. Anyone who engages in sex should be able to deal with any ramifications that may arise from the act. That could emotional issues, STDs, pregnancy, etc. Contrary to what other people have been saying about me, I realize that teenagers are going to have sex. I choose to educate my children on the importance of being mature enough and old enough to accept the responsibility of having sex.

  • Anyone that would allow it, might as well join in.

  • In reply to IKESENIOR:

    You have made my day! LOL

  • In reply to IKESENIOR:

    That's a really sick statement. Your kids will masturbate at home, I'm sure you don't want to join into that.

    I've refrained from adding further points to this conversation too much, but I have a wickedly differing view from Tracy and apparently many commenters.

    I do have two small daughters and while I will not encourage them to have sex in our home, I might allow it. Allowing and encouraging are two different things. The problem is the stigmatization of sex and lowered self esteems of the girls, who grow into women, have. By teaching that this natural human experience is "bad" or shameful, we're only giving our kids emotional baggage.

    That is not to say I think 13 is appropriate by any means. But as my daughters approach college and enter relationships, I'd like to welcome the people in their lives into our home. We are a family and I want anyone close to my children to be within my reach.

    I'm not a hippy mom or some radical. I wouldn't let them smoke or do drugs in the house, but those are not inevitable biological instincts. Sex is going to happen, be it in a car on the side of the road, at a strangers house, or right in my home where I want my girls to always feel safe and welcome.

    Sexuality is not shameful. It is a normal part of life. Hopefully my kids will absorb messages about safety and maturity and not enter into a sexual relationship for the wrong reasons.

    Speaking of wrong reasons, a major one would be pressure from a boyfriend. If all of that "pressure" is happening in some car across town, how can she be comfortable saying no? In HER house, she has the control . . . and I'm right there providing distractions so there's plenty of other things to do anyway :) Tang, anyone!?

  • How about NO!
    I can't believe even 16% think it is a good idea to let the kids have sex in the home. Either those 16% are kids themselves, on their parents computer, or they are morons. (liberals)

    Unless the children are ready to be parents, they have no business having sex, period.

  • In reply to sfergson727:

    You are 100% correct!

  • The truth about teen sex (in my experience, as a 17 year old girl):
    1. No teenager wants to have sex with their parents in the next room.

    2. No teenager wants to have a talk with their parents acknowledging that he or she is sexually active. The traditional "sex talk" has been rendered mostly unnecessary by the internet. We no longer need to be informed about the technicalities of it all. What we do need to know is that our parents are safe, supportive people to come to for help and guidance, if we do ever run into trouble. Nothing is more dangerous than a teenager who has made a mistake or a bad choice who has no one safe to turn to.

    3. Although some teenagers will resort to having sex in cars or public places, most of us will wait until our parents leave and then do it in the comfort of our own beds.

    And although I know some judgement is inevitable, please consider that I am only having sex because I have been in a relationship for 2 years with a boy that I trust and love. This is the most important point the woman in the original article makes, "After I've ascertained that my daughter is in a relationship that's based on love and trust, and that it's not about a booty call, then I'm okay with it....But of course, if my daughter has a rotating band of boyfriends, on the other hand, then no. There's no way I'm going to let her have sex at home."

  • In reply to JamieH:

    Aw, you sound like an awesome daughter. Maybe my girls will be grossed out by me being home. I hope so, mwahahahah! But most importantly, I hope to hit upon your second point - for them to come to me for support, not judgement.

  • You are right that most teens will have sex at home. They will typically wait until their parents leave home. My own daughter laughed and made a gagging sound when I told her my blog title. She said there is no way she would want to have sex at home if her parents supported it. I'm sure that it will happen one day but I won't be a cheerleader for it. My issue with the parent in the article was that she was really excited and felt as though teens are entitled to have sex and they are entitled to a great experience.

  • Hell No! And I don't even have kids yet!

  • This article in my opinion is way too saturated with emotion and personal affliction to hardly be informative.

    When I was in my mid-teens I had one boyfriend who I was very serious about. We dated all through high school and my first year of college. My mother had spoken to me as a child very medically about sex, and then slightly more casual as a teen. When I lost my virginity, I went to her and specifically asked to have my own OBGYN doctor and also to be placed on birth control.

    As I aged into my late teens my mother allowed my boyfriend to be in my room, door closed and to even spend the night occasionally. She knew that we had been dating for a while and that we were having sex. She also preferred for her child to not have to sneak around to do so.

    Did my mother sit down and talk to me about us having sex in the way you previously described? No, it’s unnecessary. And I don’t question her on whether she was in her room having sex, just like I don’t question whether my brother is in his room masturbating. It’s a human action that I’m aware happens, but I don’t need details or time frames. Some people will obviously not agree with this but I will leave you with a parting note.

    I am now twenty and with my second serious boyfriend. We have been celibate for the entire year that we have dated because we choose to. I am much better-rounded and not as excitable about the subject of sex as many friends my age are who sneak off to have sex in the woods, in cars, on park bleachers, and at hotel parties thrown by other guys and girls wanting to have a room for sex as well.

    These teens/young adults who never get std checks, never see obgyns, aren’t on birth control all because they feel as though they can’t talk to their parents, let alone even hint that they're having intercourse. So yeah, they're having sex regardless but in deplorable locations and situations.

    Because my mother allowed me to be a young adult, I can make an informed decision and not feel as though I need to sneak and do something now or else I don't know when i'll be able to again. So yes, when I have children if my child is in his/her late teens and showing the behavior of being in a committed relationship, I will allow her/him to have sex in their home. I would much rather prefer it then to wonder if they’re in some else’s home, car, hotel room.

  • *My issue with the parent in the article was that she was really excited and felt as though teens are entitled to have sex and they are entitled to a great experience.

    I actually don't see anything wrong with the mother wanting her child to have a positive sexual experience, I would sure hope that she wouldn't wish for a negative one.

    Besides, there are way too many women who don't know what a positive sexual experience is. They are too ashamed to learn about their bodies, to be involved with their sexual health, to even mentally accept or enjoy sex or even to connect with another mature person in that way. All of which is behavior that is instilled when younger and carried into adult relationships.

    Also Tracy, though I don't personally agree with your opinions on the matter, I do want to say thank you for presenting it. I think it's a subject that many people don't even consider, let alone debate.

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