After a week-long hiatus, I can finally confront Bears football once again. Clearly last week was an atrocity, but I have pondered long on this, and I think I have found the only obvious answer. In an attempt to avenge himself against the latest city to send him packing, I believe Mike Martz began crafting a Mike Tice suit.
Martz likely began the suit back during training camp, spending countless hours delicately articulating each fine detail. By the end of the preseason; he had it. His Mike Tice suit was complete. The best part of his plan was waiting to unleash his vengeance until week two. Martz waited, allowing the Bears to put out a great display in the season opener. He knew what we would all do.
Like clockwork, we Bears fans overreacted. Dreams of Superbowl Shuffles danced in our heads. Brandon Marshall was going to catch for 130 yards every week! The defense would still be able to bend, but not break. Carefully, Martz must have been waiting in the shadows last Thursday, eagerly biding time. When his chance came, he blind-sided Mike Tice and took him to a safe, but inconspicuous hiding spot for the duration of the game.
Then Martz unveiled his Tice suit to the world as he poorly impersonated him throughout the duration of the Packers game. To the Bears defense's credit, they played fairly well overall. The special teams unit got duped on a perfectly executed play that Green Bay claims to have been saving for three years. Cutler made poor decisions with frequency, but once again had little to no protection. Despite all of these factors, a better offensive gameplan would have helped the Bears immensely.
Just like Martz would've done, we watched as Mike Tice abandoned the run game early, and put Cutler under constant duress. Often he left J'Marcus Webb without any help on the left side of the line, and Webb needs as much help as he can get. The Bears offense was playing like they were down by 21 in the first quarter, and that falls on the head of the offensive coordinator. We just need to make sure its the right coordinator.
Before last Thursday, we didn't have any substantial reason to believe that Mike Tice was insane. What we saw on the field appealed to the contrary, but let's give Tice the benefit of the doubt. If Mike Martz was actually in a Tice suit calling that game, then as long as Tice is able to avoid future abduction, we still have reason to believe in him.
I count on the Bears getting back to establishing the run this week facing the St. Louis Rams at Soldier Field. Jay and the offense always seem to function best in the passing game when the running game is a notable part of the offense, and they are able to establish some rhythm as a unit. With any luck, in a few weeks, everyone will be able to look back at week two as a freaky little anomaly.
"Weird how bad a game Tice called in week two, huh?"
"It wasn't Tice man; definitely Martz in a Tice suit."
Ahhh... sounds nice. As long as security is on its toes at Soldier Field on Sunday, I am sure the real Mike Tice will show up. Hopefully he gets the Bears back to what they did in week one, and that turns into something we see every week from thereon out.