It's hot. Everyone knows it's hot. And according to the Chicago Tribune, it's going to continue to be hot.
So rather than fight it, let's celebrate what's great about the heat instead.
More specifically, let's celebrate water sprinklers. (Or – really – any device the shoots water into the air or drops it from above.)
Now, some foolhardily might believe that water sprinklers are for keeping the grass green during the hot summer months. This is a common misconception. Water sprinklers are for running through with reckless abandon. That is their primary reason for existence. Keeping grass green happens to be a side effect. A water sprinkler without a person running through it is a like a chocolate chip cookie by itself in a display case. It's just sad and wrong.
To celebrate water sprinklers fully, I propose we institute a National Water Sprinkler Day.
But, wait, that's crazy talk, you might say.
No, crazy talk is "Talk Like a Pirate Day." Let's keep our inane, made-up holidays straight, please.
On National Water Sprinkler Day, everyone would be required to run through a water sprinkler or some other non-household water-emitting device at least once during those 24 hours. Not doing so would immediately get you labeled as un-American. Or – at the very least – labeled as dry and a party-pooper.
The best part about National Water Sprinkler Day is that unlike those other lazy days that call it quits after 24 hours, National Water Sprinkler Day would be held EVERY day during the summer. That's right. A holiday that just goes on and on and on. It would be just like "Groundhog Day," but, oh, so much more awesome.
Now, to make this "official," I'm sure Congress or some other authoritative group like the "American Idol" judges would have to sign legislation declaring it so. But I don't think that's going to happen. If they can't solve simple things like healthcare or keeping people with the same first name as a last name from winning contests, what hope do we have of them coming together for a consensus on something like National Water Sprinkler Day?
So, for the time being, National Water Sprinkler Day will be something those of us who decide to recognize it keep in our hearts.
We'll be easy to spot. We'll be the ones running through a water sprinkler with reckless abandon.
Filed under: Columns