Five things I learned not to do while on an alien planet from watching 'Prometheus'

Five things I learned not to do while on an alien planet from watching 'Prometheus'

Working in the suburbs means I have plenty of free time to spend after I clock out to avoid rush-hour traffic back into Chicago. On Tuesday, I decided to spend that time going to the movie theater to see "Prometheus."

It was an enjoyable movie – one where you need to suspend logical thought – but enjoyable nonetheless. But like with any sci-fi thriller, a lot of people do a lot of stupid things that end up causing them to be dead. As a public service, I thought I would go into further detail about a few things one should avoid when visiting an alien planet (and yes, there are spoilers, so don't read ahead if you plan on seeing the movie and want to be surprised):

Don't trust androids: Especially sinister ones with creepy smiles offering you a drink after a long day of exploring an alien world without first doing exhaustive remote checks to find out whether there might be any substance around that might – oh, I don't know – completely destroy your cellular structure.

Never stray from your team: You will end up dead. And not in a pleasant way. You're not going to pass away in your sleep while taking a nap after going your own route. It will be ridiculously surprising, scary and gory. If you want to survive a trip to an alien planet, stay with your team and become a big-name actor if possible. This might not save you, but you might make it until closer to the conclusion of the trip.

Don't touch things if you don't know what they are: You would think most of us would have learned this in childhood, but this lesson seems to become forgotten once one ends up on an alien planet. Furthermore, be sure not to touch strange, cobra-like creatures when you know NOTHING about them. Again, you will end up dead. Again, it will be unpleasant. This goes double if you're a biologist who – of all people – should know better.

If your sensors show that something is outside the ship, but you can't see anything on the cameras, DO NOT OPEN the doors of the ship to find out: Once again, you will end up dead. This time, so will some of your buddies. If the sensors pick up something, yet you can't see it, chances are it wants to kill you. Please, space explorers, remember this for future reference.

Don't rouse giant humanoids after they've been sleeping for 2,000 or so years: They wake up grumpy. Very grumpy. Like rip-your-head off grumpy. Needless to say, you won't survive this. Unless, of course, you happen to be a sinster android with a creepy smile.

• Joe Grace is a writer and journalist who lives in Chicago with his wife. Did you like this column? If so, then become a fan by liking Going for Gusto on Facebook or following me on Twitter.

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