This post is a continuation from part 1. See here.
We knew we were totally stepping out into faith here and trusting God with whatever He wanted for our family. We wanted to give Him total control here or at least as much as we could do in these circumstances. If He wanted us to have more kids then we both felt He would give us the resources and energy to provide for them. If He didn’t want us to have more then it would be totally up to Him here and not a choice that would be making.
The next few months were filled with doctors’ appointments, daily injections for Amy and, unfortunately, lying to our family and friends about our whereabouts. This was done so we could do this and not have to have any uncomfortable conversations with people and then hear opinions about things that really didn’t concern anyone but us. It wasn’t done with ill intent but with privacy for us. We felt bad about this but we knew it was the right choice.
During this time my heart really began to start wanting more kids. I was no longer just trusting God but I was really hoping He would decide in one direction. I was already figuring out sleeping arrangements, looking for what kind of van we could get, and when I was going to take off work next summer for the arrival of our expanding family. I couldn’t wait until 10 days after the embryo transfer to find out if we were having twins or just one baby. It turned out I was at the firehouse when Amy went for the blood test. Normally I would go with for an appointment but we knew we wouldn’t find out till later in the day. I couldn’t wait for the phone to ring.
When my phone rang and I saw her name come up, my heart skipped a beat. “Hi honey.” I said. That was when I heard her voice say, “I’m not pregnant.” I asked her if she was being serious. "She just replied, "Seriously".
Wait, what? That wasn’t what I was expecting? She was supposed to say she was pregnant and we would find out in a few weeks if it was twins or not. This wasn’t the way I saw this unfolding at all!
The rest of the shift day was really a blur. I felt like I got punched in the stomach. I really wasn’t ready for that door to be closed. I spent a good amount of time that day thinking about what could have been rather that what was. I know how blessed I am but all I could think about was that we truly were done having kids.
I spent some time in prayer that night before going to sleep and woke up with such clarity in my mind and heart. God did exactly what we asked Him to do. We left us having more kids completely up to Him. We wanted an answer and He gave it to us.
I think that this whole experience gave me a whole different appreciation for people that struggle with fertility issues and are unable to have kids. I’m not pretending for one minute that I understand what it feels like to not have kids or have numerous rounds of unsuccessful IVF. I got to experience this knowing I still have 4 kids at home. I can’t imagine what people go through that have failed attempts and come home to a quiet house. I spent time praying for them too because I can imagine that is a walk that no one understands unless they walk that same exact walk.
So that is our story of how Amy and I asked God for an answer by TOTALLY trusting in Him and His guidance. Am I disappointed in His answer? To say no wouldn’t be telling the truth, but I know that His plans are always better than mine. He knows what’s best for us and I totally trust in Him. That’s what faith is all about.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.
Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.