I have to admit that I was pretty bummed after my walk of shame during yesterdays “run” in the heat. I know that it was hot and humid and that made breathing really difficult. It didn’t stop me from playing mind games with myself so I committed to running early this morning.
Amy got up early for her prayer time so I took the time to head out for my run. After a mile, the pain in my back, feet, legs, head, you name it, still wasn’t going away. I decided to start walking and turned off my running app. Rainy days and cold days are not friends of mine when it comes to running. For some reason, my body really aches more then normal on those days. Today’s rainy morning made for one of those painful moments.
I really thought of quitting running. “Why am I doing this to myself? I don’t need this pain. I’m out here by myself because I have no group anymore. My head hurts. My leg hurts. My foot hurts. That’s it. I’m done with running.” These are the thoughts that were going through my head.
I decided to just listen to some music and walk for a bit. I put on one of my running list and clicked on the shuffle button. That’s when God showed up to give me a clear direction on what my purpose for running really is.
The first song that came on was “Here comes the sun” by George Harrison. This song is one of the most special songs to me. I listened to this on my way to and from chemotherapy every day when I was getting treatment. It’s one of the most beautiful songs and always gave me a smile through the tears. Even to this day 11 years and a million tears later, I am brought back to that cancer center with the first few chords of that song.
The timing of that song was just great. It brought me out of feeling the pain of my run and got me to remember a period of chemotherapy and my treatment. It also got me thinking about all the people that are still going through treatment now and all of the people that I have known and lost to cancer since then.
Then the next song came on and I had to smile because I knew that God had orchestrated this “random” playlist that I thought was going to be on shuffle. The song “I run for life” by Melissa Etheridge was the song God wanted me to hear next. I have always said that I run marathons because I can and I try to show other cancer patients that getting diagnosed, is not always a death sentence. Sometimes it’s easy for me to forget that and I get caught up in my own sinful selfishness.
Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength”. God gave me the ability to run marathons. He didn’t say anything about running them fast or that my training would be pain free.
When I really listened to the chorus to “I run for life”, I was blown away with how much I needed to hear them.
“I run for hope.I run to feel.I run for the truth for all that is real.I run for your mother your sister your wife.I run for you and me my friend. I run for life.”
That was it! This really is why I run. I run to glorify God. I run to inspire other cancer patients. I run because I can. I still have the ability to run. Not fast and not pain free all the time but my heart is still beating and I still can do this. That is why I am lacing up these shoes again and continuing to train for my next marathon.
In case you are wondering what the next song on God’s playlist for me during this rainy walk home, it was “Manic Monday”. I love that God has a sense of humor.
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