Post Valentines observations and some relationship pitfalls to avoid

I observe people in relationships and how they treat and talk to and about their spouse. I try to be as transparent as I can be, especially to the people in my inner-circle. I have been observing something and I guess I feel the need to get it out in the open, even at the risk of losing a few relationships. I am not naming names and some of you will probably think this is about you and there is a good possibility you will be right and a good possibility you will be wrong.

I need to say that I know I am walking a fine line of judgment here, which is especially hard considering we just heard a message about “dropping the rock” at Harvest the past few weeks. I am not judging these peoples’ hearts but I am making observations based on my own life experiences and what the Bible says about it.

1. People that are in committed relationships need to stop flirting with people that are not their partner.

I don’t know how much clearer I can be. Instead, why don’t you take a match, light it, and then put it out under your arm. It will be less harmful to others than the flirting is. I have heard the whole “It’s harmless” “It doesn’t mean anything” “Lighten up”…blah blah blah. puke puke puke. It’s harmful to people, it’s disrespectful to everyone involved, and is going to lead to nowhere good. If you wouldn’t say it if your partner was right next to you, then don’t say it at all. If you would say it if your partner was there, then ask yourself why are you saying it. What is the real goal for the flirting and what is missing from your own relationship that you feel the need to mess with the relationship of someone else’s?

Matthew 5:28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

That verse isn’t even talking about flirting, that’s just mentioning THINKING! If thinking is bad, then speaking flirtations with sexual overtures to our non-partners is definitely wrong.

2. If your relationship is in trouble, please don’t say, “I love them but I’m not in-love with them” unless you want to see me puke.

What in the world does that even mean?!?! Love is a choice, people, and relationships are work. I know, easy for me to say because I’m in a great marriage. I’ll let you in on a little secret: It is a great marriage and we work really hard at it. We read books on marriage, we pay attention when each other talks, we care about the other person.

Come on people, you aren’t 15 anymore passing notes on the way to study hall!!! I highly doubt that when Amy walks in the front door and sees the house a mess from me and the kids trashing it, and then sees me in my running clothes because I am on my way out the door, that she really is considering herself the big marriage lottery winner because I’m such a stud. She loves me because I do laundry. She loves me because I leave her little post it notes on the coffee pot in the morning. She loves me for rubbing her feet. She loves me for keeping the kids alive while she’s gone. Are you hearing me? LOVE IS A CHOICE, not some quote from Jerry McGuire. Get with the program.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things

3. Take the “Divorce” card off the table.

No one gets through a divorce unscathed. Some are just less messy than others but they all cause a path of destruction along the way. If you are struggling in your relationship, get good biblical counseling. Seek out help from friends that have a good strong marriage. I can’t stress this enough. Don’t give up on your marriage just because you aren’t “happy” or “in-love” right now. Those are both choices. Get the help you and your family need before you give up.

4. Don’t fight over social media

If you want to be on Facebook, Twitter, or whatever, please don’t argue with your partner, put your partner down, bag on your partner, etc. on statuses, comments or whatever. It’s awkward and no one wants to see it. It’s not funny and not respectful at all. Don’t be passive aggressive on there, either. If I want to watch a soap opera, I’ll find one that doesn’t have people I know in it. It will make it less awkward the next time we all get together.

Well, I guess that’s it for now. I could go on and on but I should probably stop. Until next time…

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