Late February Cubs Smorgasboard of Thoughts

It very well could be that nobody is ever gonna read this.  At this point in this blog's history, I might be shouting at the wind.  Seems the only way to get any attention anymore is to call out a phony in the most vile way possible, and even then all we get is trollage.  Oh, well, its all our fault. 

1) Theo-for-Chris (not Cris) Carpenter?  I'd say we won THAT trade.  I hope Carpenter well, and think that maybe he will end up with a nice career, maybe even as a third or fourth starter.  If our new front office does what I think it is going to eventually do, though, Carpenter is a very small price to pay.  Hell, if it turns out that Theo and His Band of Lesser GMs gets us to a World Series, then I'd be fine giving up anyone, even Roofie (aka Starlin Castro). 

Nah, I don't think Castro really gave that girl a roofie.  He needs to be more discerning about the types of sexual situations he puts himself into.

2) He needs to be something other than Ryan Braun. 

First, I believe ultimately that justice will prevail based on this decision.  MLB administered a test on Braun, a urine sample which sat in somebody's basement fridge, unmonitored, for an entire weekend.  When it comes to a process where a player can lose a whole third of a season on a first offense, not to mention his reputation for life, there needs to be a more airtight system in place.  Hell, I had a drug test recently, due to my re-entry into the big-boy workforce.  A helluva lot less at stake than Braun's test.  Yet I was subject to more than ten separate procedures, including peeing in front of a woman and performing a couple of challenging tasks of coordination like simultaneously holding my cup-o-pee in my left hand and manipulating a sheet of barcoded stickers with my right, to not only ensure I wasn't swapping some other presumably cleaner pee into the mix, and at the same time preventing tampering out of my control.  Within two days, the results were in.  Granted, I wasn't being tested for steroids, thus there are more labs with proximity in my case, but I believe the consulting company I work for has a better system in place than MLB, and that's just wrong.

So hopefully the Braun case has pointed out the need for MLB to take their testing process a hell of a lot more seriously.  They better strike, hard and fast, or else half the players in the league are going to conclude that since Braunie beat the rap, that they can now cycle up, flag the test but scoot through a loophole too. 

What this means to us, as Cubs fans of course, is now the Brewers can count on him all year, so they will still have a potent lineup even without Prince Fielder.  So they will probably whalle the hell out of us again this year.  Thing is, though, I will say there will be one small sliver of comedy that will make it a bit less miserable when the Brewhas sweep us all year.  Knowing each time the Hebrew Hammer comes to the plate, that he had to take massive drugs to clear up the mouth herps before last year's playoffs, from eating some skanky poon.

Hopefully somebody explains this to Starlin, you can get mouth herps too.

3) The notion of "just handing" the starting first base job and clean up position to Bryan LaHair - my position is "don't believe it".  In fact, that is my position about nearly anything you read anymore coming from the organization.  I don't think that transparency and disclosure is anywhere in the pages of "The Cub Way".  Media have been used to all sorts of sources for Cub information throughout the Hendry years, and now, with these sources having dried up, we as consumers are going to have to get used to being more discerning about what we read and hear.  Because some of it is going to be manufactured.  Guys gotta eat, gotta fill up a newspaper or radio show, and if it means that they take throwaway comments by management and build them up into stories, so be it. 

For now on, whatever I read or hear from the Cubs is going to have to first be subjected to a certain level of processing and analysis for plausibility before I can accept it.  And the thought that management is going to hold back their favorite (not just first base, but overall) prospect, the one they've drug along through three organizations, to preserve the rights of the Quadruple A Poster Boy to play first base?  Sounds implausible to me. 

4) The Bunting Contest - personally, I think it is really cool!  Because there is a lack of excitement from big free agent signings and trade acquisitions, the talk of Mesa is the Great Inagural Cubs Bunting Contest.  Psychologists have theorized again and again that in the workplace, pay is NOT a positive motivator.  Rather, lack of pay is a de-motivator.  The things that motivate employees are the little games like the Dale Sveum innovation on normal tedious bunting drills.  I mean, hell, 50 bucks a guy to join is nothing to these guys, and the $2000 pot to the winner will basically pay for dinner one night.  But its the bragging rights at stake here, and you gotta love Sveum for realizing this simple truth, that ballplayers are for the most part pretty simple guys.  He will have to keep coming up with these sorts of things to keep his momentum going, but so far, I love what the 2012 Cubs are doing. 

Just keep the damn chicken and beer and video games out of the clubhouse.

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