I can't stand it: this has to be said.
Three years ago, a bunch of pictures on Deadspin surfaced about America's Newest Baseball Sweetheart, redemption boy Josh Hamilton, drunk off his ass in some chintzy bar, licking whipped cream off of floozies'breasts. We all knew about his prodigious habits, crack, coke, booze, sluts, God knows what I'm missing here. So it was all just a matter of wait-and-see before the ubitiquous divorce filing from his wife.
Ohhhh, no. What followed was as nauseating and sickening of a shifting of blame that I have ever seen. But ol' Josh wasn't blaming anyone else, no. He wasn't taking the blame, either. It was the Demons, and his Demons took hold of him, and he was powerless! And then he ran with the powerless theme and stripped out everything from Bill W's book, stating that since he was 'saved', that he always wondered if he could take a drink. And, lo, it was obvious he couldn't! So, he literally swore on a stack o' bibles, that he would never drink again, that he now knew how badly he had hurt his team, his fans, his wife, his family, his ol' dead Gramma. On and on it went, until finally, America was tired of seeing Josh Hamilton whip himself and we said, ok, now you know, I guess. Make sure you don't do it again.
Well, whoops, he did it again. This time alledgedly, there are pictures and videos of (I assume) different floozies grabbing his ass as he drunkenly lurches around another seedy club. ITS A RELAPSE! Oh noeS! So SAD! Poor sad Josh and his Demons, so good for almost three years! And he has so many troubles! His team has lost the last two World Series, and he tossed a ball to a guy who fell out of the stands, broke his head and died! And he doesn't have his Life Coach anymore, because he took a real paying job with another team.
First of all, what kind of simpy dipshit has to have a 24x7 "life coach"? Yep, this is the result, people, of not keeping score of little league games, giving all the kids "participant" ribbons when all they did was chase butterflies and pulled on their weens, and never telling them no. A weak willed, soft society where nobody is EVER responsible for their own actions.
And now, wanna know what I really think? This is NO relapse. He hasn't had a drink in three years? This is the first time he's been out? Bull shi-i-i-i-t. Maybe it's the first time he's been CAUGHT!
See, here's the scam: Josh Hamilton is probably out more often than not, licking and being licked. Most often the witnesses are either paid off, rubbed out, or are too pissed themselves to put together a multi-media presentation of Mr. Hamilton's doucheyness. But when word gets out, well, cry out...IT'S A RELAPSE! Oh Lord, I am so WEAK! Please Lord, and my team, and my fans, and my wife and family, forgive me, for I know not how it happens, or why, or when, it can never be convenient enough for me to know, so I could sack up and RESIST such Temptation! (By the way, for full disclosure, I myself have been diagnosed as an "addictive personality", most of the male members of my family are diagnosed alcoholics and/or "sex addicts", and the truth about it being a 'choice' or a 'disease' lies somewhere in the middle. Strong people do not waver. Weak people do.)
Fool us once, Josh Hamilton, shame on you. Fool us twice, you're an asshole! Go sell sorry someplace else, fuckstick!